I’m in one of those I-love-my-life moods. Everything’s been going so well; my thesis, my marks; my social life. J’suis content.
Of all of my procrastinations over the past four years, my thesis ranks among the most stress inducing. I suppose that’s a fitting way for me to end my degree; leave the biggest thing the longest and then deal with it while juggling exams at the same time. Fitting because this is how I’ve most consistently operated at university. And somehow I end up pulling through. If doing this degree has taught me anything it’s how to cram, and how to do enormous amounts of work in incredibly small lengths of time. This is definitely a useful skill, though I really won’t be putting it to its best use until I couple it with doing things ahead of time as well. THEN I’ll be able to accomplish so much more, so much better. That’ll come. I think it’ll arrive when I attain some higher level of maturity in my work-ethic. Hopefully during law school.
A&P ended up going surprisingly well – it pays to have copies of old exams. That’s definitely a plus to being in fourth year, for me anyway. My social network has grown exponentially, where I’ve made the most new friends this year, and first year I only really made a few. And now that I know so many people, information about courses, and old tests, and tonnes of useful stuff that helps you do better academically is at my finger tips. Anyway, after A&P was through on that Saturday, I had one more exam, invertebrate zoology, on Tuesday, and then my defence on Wednesday. P set a deadline of Monday at 9am of having my whole thesis done, and turned into my committee. I was insanely productive that weekend, stayed up all night Sunday night, and emailed the whole thing that morning at 8:59am or something like that, might’ve even been 5 minutes late, but I wasn’t stressing. Through the night everything had just.. come together. It was partly the Intro that needed work, but mostly the Discussion. I’d been jotting down so many ideas, putting post-it notes on so many articles, scribbling outlines of how I wanted to get across particular ideas, re-arranging and re-writing bits from my proposal from the fall. That night it was all assembled. It was definitely not as polished as I’d wanted it to be – all the other sections had gone through multiple drafts and edits. The Discussion didn’t. But I had such a feeling of relief that morning! I finally had a completed thesis in my hands. No, it wasn’t the final draft, that wouldn’t be turned in till after the defence. But it was something substantial.
Cramming for invert wasn’t pleasant. There were a couple of major phyla I had to skim, but I was pretty solid on most of it. A 2h nap in the afternoon helped a bit. Got almost 7h of sleep. The exam on Tuesday went alright, not as bad as I’d feared anyway. That day I had to make the powerpoint presentation for the defence itself. Sara, the second of my supervisor’s three honours students, was so much better prepared than me. She’s very studious. Very much an ahead-of-time person. Anyway, I bumped into Shannon briefly on my way home from the lab that night- I haven’t really mentioned her lately, she was enormously stressed out. She had two theses to do, one of which was an extra course she took on in order to graduate with a particular degree. She procrastinates worse than I do, and that’s saying something. She had a bit of break down the moment I saw her, and then sort of recovered and told me all about where she is with the thesis and everything else that’s been stressing her out lately. I have a far less stressful life than she does. Her family’s insane. Anyway, after almost two hours of catch-up with Shannon, I went home, ate, and then stayed up till 4am ish doing the powerpoint. I have a thing with powerpoints where they have to be awesome. I have an artistic side that doesn’t get out much, and I love it when I get to do anything with design or whatever. So this powerpoint was damn good by 4am. My defence was at 11am. I slept till 8 or 8:30, arrived by 10:30, and delivered the presentation. I felt it was kind of shaky, like, flow-wise, but everyone said it was great, even P, my supervisor. I enjoy public speaking in general, and I think that being an ok speaker made up for the fact that I hadn’t really had time to practice the presentation. There were lots of questions, but they went well too. Immediately afterwards was the defence itself, where I go into a conference room with my committee and they grill me and see if I really know my stuff, and comment and suggest changes to the penultimate draft of the thesis. I was almost too over-tired to be nervous lol. I spoke a lot, I spoke my mind, I wasn’t afraid to semi-ramble when I was confident in what I was saying, because I knew that the defence is where they gage how much you know, and how well you understand and can actually defend the thesis. One of the committee was on speaker phone, which I didn’t mind. I have a good student-teacher relationship with each of my committee members. I’ve done well in classes with each of them, and I feel comfortable going up to any one of them and talking about biology stuff one on one. So that definitely contributed to a comfort level during the defence. Anyway, at the end, they put me out in the hall, had a short discussion, and then emerged to congratulate me on a job well done. I’d passed lol. That’s all you know at that point- you don’t get an actual mark till you make the suggested revisions, and then submit it.
So my exams were over the defence was, too. It was almost a weird, anti-climactic end to the whole thing. The revisions were supposed to be done by the following day, but my stress level was way down. That night there was a get together at a pub in town for honours students, like me, and faculty. It was really nice.
I ended up finishing the final draft of the thesis by Friday morning. P sent me an email back simply saying: “enjoy your weekend!” It only dawned on my gradually that the whole thing was over. *sigh* -still feels good :)
Showing posts with label thesis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thesis. Show all posts
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Cramming
I'm cramming for A&P, so of course this is the perfect time to blog lol.
Thesis still not done. I'm at the stage I should've been at a month ago. Writing, sending in a draft, P looks it over, sends it back to me, I re-write, send it back to her, etc till it's perfected. So far, only my results section is basically done. Methods is almost there. Intro still needs a lot of work, and the discussion needs even more. The defence itself was changed to the 23rd because P thought I deserved more time. Don't really know how it's going to get finished - I'm predicting I'll still be doing the bouncing drafts back and forth by the time the defence comes around... or else I'll completely skip studying sufficiently for my last exam on the 22nd. Invertebrate. It's my hardest. Gah!
Had a mix up with a law school - somehow I missed an important deadline with the Ontario Law School Application Service, but after an alarmed email and a phone call from me to the law school, it's all been straightened out, and I've settled and accepted to what had been my 2nd choice school, but which has really evolved into my first choice. I think I'm going to love it there. I won't feel like I'm seriously going there, though, until they reply back and say they've received my deposit, and then they grant my one year deferral so I can go to France. THEN I'll breathe my sigh of relief.
Still have a lot on my to-do list, mostly thesis stuff, but so much else too. Big plans with all my friends to celebrate when all this is through. There's a grad pub crawl I'm looking forward to. I can almost see the finish line - my thesis will be due either two or three days after my defence. Though then I've agreed to keep writing more stuff up so we can maybe get my work, plus P's, published- which would be nice, but I wouldn't really be getting anything out of it, aside from a publication in a discipline I'm now leaving lol. Oh well, should be fun (or whatever).
I've been wait-listed to do a 5-wk French Immersion program in mid-summer. Crossing my fingers for it.
I didn't shave for three weeks. It was interesting. Last week I played around with a goatee and side burns... then let it all grow in. Beth said today that it was making my face into a different shape lol. So I shaved it off tonight. I liked it most of the time, and got some compliments. I'm glad I can grow facial hair well; it gives me options- from the way the hair on my head is going, I think I'll probably be bald by the time I'm 30 if not sooner. Damn genes lol. I'm glad my self image is ok- hair is not necessary to look good lol. I always get my hair cut really short anyway. I've seen other guys in my situation shave all the hair off their heads... I'm not sure if I'd want to go that far... but I guess I'll have to see lol.
Mom's laptop died while they were in Florida, and she just got it fixed. She's quite excited. Most of her memory was retrieved successfully. I'm a bit scared that mine's going to croak one of these days - I always get that blue screen of death. I would like to get a new laptop before I go away, but then I also want a new camera, and a bunch of new clothes, and spending a year in Europe isn't cheap... so I can see something getting cut. Though maybe Mom and Dad will be extra generous somehow.. lol. I think Beth said she'll sell me her old camera, which I think would be awesome, because it's small and easy to use, and it would be cheap. She's looking for something that'll take better photos- like, artsy photos or something.
Speaking of Beth, she's still dogsitting. Tonight she'll be watching BSG with her dog, which she hilariously finds annoying, while I'm here cramming (or blogging).
...but yeah, should get back to cramming. Wish me luck!
Thesis still not done. I'm at the stage I should've been at a month ago. Writing, sending in a draft, P looks it over, sends it back to me, I re-write, send it back to her, etc till it's perfected. So far, only my results section is basically done. Methods is almost there. Intro still needs a lot of work, and the discussion needs even more. The defence itself was changed to the 23rd because P thought I deserved more time. Don't really know how it's going to get finished - I'm predicting I'll still be doing the bouncing drafts back and forth by the time the defence comes around... or else I'll completely skip studying sufficiently for my last exam on the 22nd. Invertebrate. It's my hardest. Gah!
Had a mix up with a law school - somehow I missed an important deadline with the Ontario Law School Application Service, but after an alarmed email and a phone call from me to the law school, it's all been straightened out, and I've settled and accepted to what had been my 2nd choice school, but which has really evolved into my first choice. I think I'm going to love it there. I won't feel like I'm seriously going there, though, until they reply back and say they've received my deposit, and then they grant my one year deferral so I can go to France. THEN I'll breathe my sigh of relief.
Still have a lot on my to-do list, mostly thesis stuff, but so much else too. Big plans with all my friends to celebrate when all this is through. There's a grad pub crawl I'm looking forward to. I can almost see the finish line - my thesis will be due either two or three days after my defence. Though then I've agreed to keep writing more stuff up so we can maybe get my work, plus P's, published- which would be nice, but I wouldn't really be getting anything out of it, aside from a publication in a discipline I'm now leaving lol. Oh well, should be fun (or whatever).
I've been wait-listed to do a 5-wk French Immersion program in mid-summer. Crossing my fingers for it.
I didn't shave for three weeks. It was interesting. Last week I played around with a goatee and side burns... then let it all grow in. Beth said today that it was making my face into a different shape lol. So I shaved it off tonight. I liked it most of the time, and got some compliments. I'm glad I can grow facial hair well; it gives me options- from the way the hair on my head is going, I think I'll probably be bald by the time I'm 30 if not sooner. Damn genes lol. I'm glad my self image is ok- hair is not necessary to look good lol. I always get my hair cut really short anyway. I've seen other guys in my situation shave all the hair off their heads... I'm not sure if I'd want to go that far... but I guess I'll have to see lol.
Mom's laptop died while they were in Florida, and she just got it fixed. She's quite excited. Most of her memory was retrieved successfully. I'm a bit scared that mine's going to croak one of these days - I always get that blue screen of death. I would like to get a new laptop before I go away, but then I also want a new camera, and a bunch of new clothes, and spending a year in Europe isn't cheap... so I can see something getting cut. Though maybe Mom and Dad will be extra generous somehow.. lol. I think Beth said she'll sell me her old camera, which I think would be awesome, because it's small and easy to use, and it would be cheap. She's looking for something that'll take better photos- like, artsy photos or something.
Speaking of Beth, she's still dogsitting. Tonight she'll be watching BSG with her dog, which she hilariously finds annoying, while I'm here cramming (or blogging).
...but yeah, should get back to cramming. Wish me luck!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Trips
Lots to blog about.
First, the pre-law/pre-med trip on Feb. 24-25.
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Instead of renting a bus or something, the group decided to go in a few cars. Somehow I ended up in a car with these two really hot straight guys. Who for some reason seemed to like me. One of them has been in the pre-law group since last year, Jason. He’s a year or two younger than me. Dresses well. Dark brown hair. Tall-ish. I could see him being rich some day. Seems to know how to have fun with the boys watching the football game, but at the same time can give a great impression in the classroom. And he’s friendly. I think he’s in arts, but he looks like a business person. Actually, I remember now, he’s in poli-sci. Shannon knows him. Calls him her hot friend lol. The other guy is a bit shorter than Jason, same age. Slightly more adorable and less intimidating than Jason. Darker hair, darker eyes, tends not to smile as much, but when he does it’s really cute. Name’s Luke. Gives off an impression he’s more macho than he is. He’s in bio, like me, but he’s in the pre-med group, not the pre-law. And he’s in the military, or the militia, or something. We were in programming together last semester, and he totally saved me in the lab. He could actually program, whereas I’m not that great. He was an awesome help. Anyway, so I end up in the same car as them. Thought it would be pretty fun. They’re both pretty nice guys, it seems. Then this other guy got shoved into the car, too; Ray. He seemed quiet. He wasn’t attractive, and he ended up being a douche, which only added to his unattractiveness.
So off we go. The car ride was about 4.5h long. The guys spent most of the time quoting from comedy routines and Family Guy and South Park and SNL and lots of other things I never watch. I totally could not participate in these convos, but I did laugh sometimes. We ended up listening to this random song about a zombie talking to his friend in a mall… actually a good tune, became like the theme song of the trip. Ray was kind of homophobic, in a weird way. Like, at one point he’d be saying how outrageous it was that the Westboro Church people (you know, they protest at everything, super anti-gay) were protesting outside Heath Ledger’s funeral, and then later on he’d make these awful gay jokes, and he always used “gay” derogatorily. Almost like at heart he might not be homophobic, but that most of the time it didn’t matter because he gave off a homophobic vibe because of the casual things he’d say. Luke, on the other hand, was very vocally pro-gay rights, surprisingly, and made a point of saying how it didn’t matter to him if someone was gay, and how he thought discrimination based on sexual orientation was stupid, etc. Like, even just if something he was saying could potentially be interpreted, indirectly, as being homophobic, he’d make a point of saying that that’s not what he meant. I REALLY appreciated this. Made me like him even more. Jason wasn’t homophobic, aside from occasionally calling something gay, like, the rain or something (at which point Luke would be like, “I didn’t know rain had a sexual orientation.” lol), though he wasn’t as vocally pro-gay as Luke. It’s funny how often topics about gay people or sexual orientation or whatever come up in a group of straight guys.
After stopping at a restaurant and a liquor store on the way up, we arrived at the hotel, and lounged around for a while. We drank a bit, went out to eat with the whole group (20-ish), came back, kept drinking, went to a bar, back to the room, and to bed by 3-something. A very fun night. But we, everyone (well, almost everyone), stayed up far too late really. The organizer of the whole trip, E, had scheduled a tour of a courthouse for 8:30am the next morning, which most of us, including myself, thought was optional. A few people ended up going, but most of us decided to sleep through it and go on the law-school tour at 10am. Apparently E was pretty upset about it. We seriously thought she’d said it was optional, but anyway, nothing we could do about it but feel bad, and apologize (which I did when we got back, via email). Anyway, the law-school tour was awesome. Two students and an associate dean talked to us for a while, and then the two students led us through the whole law building. It would be pretty nice to go there (it’s my third choice school, the one I’ve already “accepted” to), but I still think my second choice is preferable.
After that we all met up at Pizza Hut (took forever to find, and it was super windy and rainy) where we all decided to buy E a big gift ( ...not from Pizza Hut tho lol) and get her a thank you card. I’m the money collector, and I’m still trying to track one last person down now, and it’s 3 weeks later. Drive home was fine, a girl came with us, I talked to her for most of the trip back. It was nice to have someone who could carry on an actual conversation and not just endlessly quote from comedy sketches or whatever.
About three days after we got back I worked up the nerve to msg Luke and tell him how much I appreciated how open-minded and non-prejudicial he was of gay people. Naturally this meant I came out to him, too. He wrote back this awesome reply, was glad I told him, and agreed that Ray was an ass lol. I would NEVER have done this, say, last year at this point. Being out is so wonderful. But seriously, I think it's important that straight people who bother standing up for gay people get positive feedback about it. Like, I really liked that he said the things he said, and the only way he's going to know how awesome that is is if someone tells him. And I love it that I'm ok enough with myself, and open enough about my sexuality, to be able to give him that feeback.
- - -
After the trip was through, break was great (see last entry), but my thesis was beginning to catch up with me. The big biology conference was coming up (March 7-9) and it was Feb 22 and I hadn’t even finished all my data input. P, my supervisor, had gone abroad for the break, and so wasn’t around to make me feel like I had to rush. Or be productive at all. So I spent that weekend at the lab, and after contending with a midterm and other business, finished it all by Tues. Another midterm on Wed and then I had a meeting with P on Thursday. I was SUPER stressed that day- I thought that P would be terribly disappointed and possibly angry that I hadn’t gotten as much accomplished as she’d wanted (I’d told her I was almost through with the data input before she went away). But she was so positive! She can intimidate me a lot, but I really do love her. So we made a plan for all that I had to do between that day, Feb 28, and March 4th or 5th. I was putting all my project onto a poster, which is one of the ways scientists convey their findings to their peers at conferences (either posters or oral presentations). P had wanted me to do an oral at first, but the two other students presenting at the conference from our school had also wanted to do an oral, so we drew from a hat, and they won (which I’m now very happy about). Anyway, so the poster had to be given to the printer’s at least 24h before I could pick it up. I was leaving at 4am on Friday, so I had to pick up the poster by Thursday, which meant I had to have it done by Wednesday. And when we were having this conversation it was Thursday. I basically had to do all of my data analysis, write a conclusion, revise my intro, objectives, and materials and methods, and then design and put together the poster in 6 days. Plus contend with two more midterms.
Those six days were the busiest, most intense, and most productive of my entire life. I spent almost every free hour at the lab, usually staying till 1am or so. I skipped every class except labs and midterms. P stayed with me for quite a few hours for a number of the days I was there, she was a HUGE help with the stats. My stats background is pretty weak – for some reason our school doesn’t offer an upper level biology stats course. First year stats is almost useless, and plus I forget most of it. And anymore stats than first year’s isn’t mandatory, so I took other things. Anyway, I was really overtired through that period, and I didn’t end up finishing the poster till about 6pm on Wednesday, after the printer’s had closed. I had been talking to the printer guy the week before, however, and he’d said that really, while they recommend 24h before-hand, or even 48h to avoid technical difficulties, it was possibly for him to do it in one 8h shift. So early the next morning I brought in the file, and we set about trying to get it to print. The printer guy is maybe a few years older than me, like, 25 or 26, really nice, so it was a pretty good morning, even though it took over 3h to just get the file to transfer correctly to the right format. We were dealing with both PC and Mac formats for things, and just moving the file around seemed to mess it up. Anyway, the laminator guy was sick, so I couldn’t get it laminated, but P had said it wasn’t necessary if I couldn’t get it done. Beth agreed to pick it up because I had lab that afternoon. She was so good to me that week, even sat around at school waiting for me that Wed. when classes got cancelled but P and I stayed in the lab to keep working. Anyway, the poster looked fantastic, I was so happy.
I still wasn’t happy with my grasp of the stats however, so I took a bunch of books and papers with me to read before I had to present. 5 of us were going on the trip, all bio students naturally; myself, Shawn (super smart, super nice, cute, popular, all around wonderful person, thin, dark hair), Dana (enthusiastic, nice, she loves me, recent convert from psych, I work with her at school, curly brown hair, not overweight, but a few extra pounds), Taylor (reminds me of a petite version of Angelina Jolie, smart, hilarious, stylish, straight brown hair), and Nicole (gorgeous, blond, smart, stylish, got to know her last year in fish class). I’ve known all except Nicole since high school, Dana since elementary school. Nicole and Taylor are already really good friends. I know them, but I’m closer to Shawn and Dana. We left at 4:30am to drive to the nearest big airport. Dana drove. We could’ve taken a flight from the local one, but it was way cheaper to drive for almost 4h to catch our 11am flight to the conference city. The drive there was pretty fun. Dana got to know Taylor and Nicole and bit. The flight was fun, too. I sat by Nicole and Taylor. And I got the window seat.
Friday afternoon was good, too. Hotel was fine, me and Shawn in one room, the girls in another on another floor. I spent most of the afternoon with Dana and Shawn buying sticky things at Staples to put up my poster, and trying to figure out bus routes, finding food, and walking back to the hotel on my own, where I fell asleep for an hour. Woke up and reviewed stats for a while, then went to the university to register at the conference. Wandered around the campus with Taylor and Nicole (the other two were visiting friends). It was fun just exploring. Anyway, I stayed up till 2am –ish reviewing stats.
Conference really began the next morning. The building we were in was super modern, lots of glass and steal and tile, I loved it. I presented my poster at lunch time. I thought it went well, though the judges had way more questions/criticisms of my experimental design than they had about my statistical analyses. But whatever, I was just glad to have it over with. SUCH a relief. All of that work, all of that time, finally I had presented. Really, the effort was more for P than for the conference, and while presenting for the judges had been stressful, the deadline of the conference for the poster’s completion was more stressful, and the stress I felt for the judges is more representative of the stress I still am feeling for my thesis defence in April. Anyway, at that point I could then enjoy the conference and not have to worry about remembering what the parametric equivalent of a Wilcoxon Sign rank test was or whatever. The presentations were mostly interesting, although, as with past conferences, most of the molecular ones went over my head. Taylor and Nicole both presented around 3pm. Both of theirs went well. Shawn probably understood and retained more than any of us. Dana, while not understanding as much, was definitely enthusiastic and into it all – I was impressed. Last year she wasn’t much of a student. This year, however, she switched her major to bio, and she’s studying way more, and getting better grades. I’m impressed. The third and last presentation session was the worst, just because we were all pretty tired, especially me, and the presentations weren’t as interesting. We were back at the hotel by 5-ish. I’d wanted to take a nap, but that never happened, and before I knew it, we’d started drinking.
I had three beer in the hotel room with Shawn and Dana. Then we all went to the banquet at the university. And who ended up sitting next to me but the chair of the biology dept! (from my university) I was like, this is going to be a disaster – but it was actually really fun! It’s nice to interact with professors in a non-classroom, non-hierarchical environment. He was super pumped I got into law school. He and one other prof sat with us, B. They were cool. And drinking a bit, though not as much as we were. It was Nicole’s birthday, too, so we all sang to her lol. Big 22 lol. I was on my 4th through 6th drinks at the banquet, and I never thought I’d interact with faculty while that intoxicated. But it went well. Immediately after the banquet was, for some reason, a lecture. Another academic lecture. About half the people skipped it to go downtown, but we decided to take it in. And it was absolutely hilarious. Everyone was loaded. And the prof giving the talk totally knew it and totally made the whole thing really funny. I really enjoyed it. Then that other prof who came to the conference, B, he’s great, drove us downtown in his rental!
Anyway, the rest of the night consisted of many bars (maybe 5) and the walking outside required to get from bar to bar, which was in itself pretty fun, lots more drinking, a hilarious girl from Alex’s school, dancing, a rapping Englishman, a karaoke bar (I didn’t sing, but Nicole did), pizza, and finally back to the hotel where I barfed and then went to bed, where Dana and Shawn leapt on me when they got back about 2h later (I was in a surprisingly good mood and just laughed).
The next day was a slow recovery. We missed the whole morning session of the conference and made it to the lunch banquet. B let us hang out in his hotel room all afternoon (Me, Nicole, and Taylor all slept in his bed) while Dana and Shawn went on a drive with him to see things in the area (it was freezing raining and cold and I was hung over so I opted not to go). Anyway, we ate a nice supper when my appetite came back, and then got on our flight at 8pm. Dana had slept from when she, Shawn and B had gotten back to when we left for the flight, so she was ok to drive home when we landed. B was staying an extra day. I left one of my bags in his room but he brought it back on Tues. Everyone stayed awake for the drive home, it was hilarious. I was in bed by 4am. And up for class the next day! Having skipped so many the previous week I was intent on making it – and I did.
So then there was this week. Pretty low key, communications assignments/tests/speeches dominated. Easy stuff. I’m feeling scared again for my thesis, but today I basically just slept and lounged around. Nice to do nothing, but I’m totally on borrowed time.
Mom and Dad are still in Florida. They call now and then, still always laughing and happy. I’m glad they’re having a good time. Snow is still on the ground here, but it’s getting milder.
When I read this in the distant future, I’m going to wonder what was going on in the world. The US presidential election is in the news a lot, or at least, in a lot of the news I read. Hillary and Obama are still battling for the Democratic nomination, while McCain’s got the Republican nomination wrapped up. The Conservatives under Harper just passed a motion in Parliament extending the Afghanistan mission to 2011 at least. The space shuttle’s just brought the Japanese built module up to the ISS. The governor of NY, Eliot Spitzer, just resigned over a prostitution scandal, making way for the first black, and first blind man to become governor of NY, David Patterson. I think today’s the anniversary of the Iraq war. The Latimer guy from out west who killed his disabled daughter a few years back just got parole. The Russian election was a few days ago; Putin’s successor was “voted” in, of course. Pakistan had their election, too, in the wake of Benazir Bhutto’s assassination. …I think that’s an adequate snapshot of what’s going on in the world at the moment.
Rachel’s brother. I haven’t really blogged about him ever. I’ve known him almost as long as I’ve known Rachel, since, like, grade 7, but he was always an extra person, you know, younger sibling of a friend. Anyway, his girlfriend is very sketchy. It’s led to numerous iffy situations for Rachel’s family so far, and now, quite suddenly although Shannon predicted this would happen, his girlfriend is pregnant. I thought that this wouldn’t happen because it’s so easily preventable… but I guess I was wrong. I thought he was smarter than this! He’s only, like, 19 I think. Anyway, apparently she’s going to get an abortion. But she’s very mentally unstable, and if she thinks that he’s going to leave her if she gets the abortion, then she might end up keeping the baby. Which, of course, Rachel’s family is completely against. Rachel’s brother’s always kind of been the golden child, destined for great things and all that. And he is smart, if a bit full of himself, though he’s gotten better over the years and I do like him. I hope things work out for him now.
Just over at my grandparent’s place. They have me $1000! To go toward law school. I’m still in shock over it. SO nice of them. I love them so much… and really, they never give huge gifts like this. Well, I shouldn’t say never, but usually they give random gifts, like, knick-knacks that they’ve picked up in Maine at these super cheap stores or something. Hilarious, random things. I love listening to my grandfather’s stories. While he can go on for quite a while, they’re always interesting. And my grandmother’ll chime in, and they’ll bicker, and it’s always funny. They’ve done so many things in their lives, and now they’re super old and they’ve still got each other. I think it’d be nice to end up like that.
Okay, enough blogging for one night. Today was a completely wasted day. Up super late chatting to Chris last night, mostly about sex, till 3:30am, slept till noon-ish, then did nothing today except cook, and read (l’Actualité), and nap, and blog, and visit my grandparents, and now I just drove Beth to a friend’s place. No productivity at all. Oh well, guess I haven’t had a nothing day in a while. But I bumped into P at the grocery store yesterday and said I’d be in to the lab on the weekend! I’m getting up early and going tomorrow. I have to lol.
Night!
First, the pre-law/pre-med trip on Feb. 24-25.
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Instead of renting a bus or something, the group decided to go in a few cars. Somehow I ended up in a car with these two really hot straight guys. Who for some reason seemed to like me. One of them has been in the pre-law group since last year, Jason. He’s a year or two younger than me. Dresses well. Dark brown hair. Tall-ish. I could see him being rich some day. Seems to know how to have fun with the boys watching the football game, but at the same time can give a great impression in the classroom. And he’s friendly. I think he’s in arts, but he looks like a business person. Actually, I remember now, he’s in poli-sci. Shannon knows him. Calls him her hot friend lol. The other guy is a bit shorter than Jason, same age. Slightly more adorable and less intimidating than Jason. Darker hair, darker eyes, tends not to smile as much, but when he does it’s really cute. Name’s Luke. Gives off an impression he’s more macho than he is. He’s in bio, like me, but he’s in the pre-med group, not the pre-law. And he’s in the military, or the militia, or something. We were in programming together last semester, and he totally saved me in the lab. He could actually program, whereas I’m not that great. He was an awesome help. Anyway, so I end up in the same car as them. Thought it would be pretty fun. They’re both pretty nice guys, it seems. Then this other guy got shoved into the car, too; Ray. He seemed quiet. He wasn’t attractive, and he ended up being a douche, which only added to his unattractiveness.
So off we go. The car ride was about 4.5h long. The guys spent most of the time quoting from comedy routines and Family Guy and South Park and SNL and lots of other things I never watch. I totally could not participate in these convos, but I did laugh sometimes. We ended up listening to this random song about a zombie talking to his friend in a mall… actually a good tune, became like the theme song of the trip. Ray was kind of homophobic, in a weird way. Like, at one point he’d be saying how outrageous it was that the Westboro Church people (you know, they protest at everything, super anti-gay) were protesting outside Heath Ledger’s funeral, and then later on he’d make these awful gay jokes, and he always used “gay” derogatorily. Almost like at heart he might not be homophobic, but that most of the time it didn’t matter because he gave off a homophobic vibe because of the casual things he’d say. Luke, on the other hand, was very vocally pro-gay rights, surprisingly, and made a point of saying how it didn’t matter to him if someone was gay, and how he thought discrimination based on sexual orientation was stupid, etc. Like, even just if something he was saying could potentially be interpreted, indirectly, as being homophobic, he’d make a point of saying that that’s not what he meant. I REALLY appreciated this. Made me like him even more. Jason wasn’t homophobic, aside from occasionally calling something gay, like, the rain or something (at which point Luke would be like, “I didn’t know rain had a sexual orientation.” lol), though he wasn’t as vocally pro-gay as Luke. It’s funny how often topics about gay people or sexual orientation or whatever come up in a group of straight guys.
After stopping at a restaurant and a liquor store on the way up, we arrived at the hotel, and lounged around for a while. We drank a bit, went out to eat with the whole group (20-ish), came back, kept drinking, went to a bar, back to the room, and to bed by 3-something. A very fun night. But we, everyone (well, almost everyone), stayed up far too late really. The organizer of the whole trip, E, had scheduled a tour of a courthouse for 8:30am the next morning, which most of us, including myself, thought was optional. A few people ended up going, but most of us decided to sleep through it and go on the law-school tour at 10am. Apparently E was pretty upset about it. We seriously thought she’d said it was optional, but anyway, nothing we could do about it but feel bad, and apologize (which I did when we got back, via email). Anyway, the law-school tour was awesome. Two students and an associate dean talked to us for a while, and then the two students led us through the whole law building. It would be pretty nice to go there (it’s my third choice school, the one I’ve already “accepted” to), but I still think my second choice is preferable.
After that we all met up at Pizza Hut (took forever to find, and it was super windy and rainy) where we all decided to buy E a big gift ( ...not from Pizza Hut tho lol) and get her a thank you card. I’m the money collector, and I’m still trying to track one last person down now, and it’s 3 weeks later. Drive home was fine, a girl came with us, I talked to her for most of the trip back. It was nice to have someone who could carry on an actual conversation and not just endlessly quote from comedy sketches or whatever.
About three days after we got back I worked up the nerve to msg Luke and tell him how much I appreciated how open-minded and non-prejudicial he was of gay people. Naturally this meant I came out to him, too. He wrote back this awesome reply, was glad I told him, and agreed that Ray was an ass lol. I would NEVER have done this, say, last year at this point. Being out is so wonderful. But seriously, I think it's important that straight people who bother standing up for gay people get positive feedback about it. Like, I really liked that he said the things he said, and the only way he's going to know how awesome that is is if someone tells him. And I love it that I'm ok enough with myself, and open enough about my sexuality, to be able to give him that feeback.
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After the trip was through, break was great (see last entry), but my thesis was beginning to catch up with me. The big biology conference was coming up (March 7-9) and it was Feb 22 and I hadn’t even finished all my data input. P, my supervisor, had gone abroad for the break, and so wasn’t around to make me feel like I had to rush. Or be productive at all. So I spent that weekend at the lab, and after contending with a midterm and other business, finished it all by Tues. Another midterm on Wed and then I had a meeting with P on Thursday. I was SUPER stressed that day- I thought that P would be terribly disappointed and possibly angry that I hadn’t gotten as much accomplished as she’d wanted (I’d told her I was almost through with the data input before she went away). But she was so positive! She can intimidate me a lot, but I really do love her. So we made a plan for all that I had to do between that day, Feb 28, and March 4th or 5th. I was putting all my project onto a poster, which is one of the ways scientists convey their findings to their peers at conferences (either posters or oral presentations). P had wanted me to do an oral at first, but the two other students presenting at the conference from our school had also wanted to do an oral, so we drew from a hat, and they won (which I’m now very happy about). Anyway, so the poster had to be given to the printer’s at least 24h before I could pick it up. I was leaving at 4am on Friday, so I had to pick up the poster by Thursday, which meant I had to have it done by Wednesday. And when we were having this conversation it was Thursday. I basically had to do all of my data analysis, write a conclusion, revise my intro, objectives, and materials and methods, and then design and put together the poster in 6 days. Plus contend with two more midterms.
Those six days were the busiest, most intense, and most productive of my entire life. I spent almost every free hour at the lab, usually staying till 1am or so. I skipped every class except labs and midterms. P stayed with me for quite a few hours for a number of the days I was there, she was a HUGE help with the stats. My stats background is pretty weak – for some reason our school doesn’t offer an upper level biology stats course. First year stats is almost useless, and plus I forget most of it. And anymore stats than first year’s isn’t mandatory, so I took other things. Anyway, I was really overtired through that period, and I didn’t end up finishing the poster till about 6pm on Wednesday, after the printer’s had closed. I had been talking to the printer guy the week before, however, and he’d said that really, while they recommend 24h before-hand, or even 48h to avoid technical difficulties, it was possibly for him to do it in one 8h shift. So early the next morning I brought in the file, and we set about trying to get it to print. The printer guy is maybe a few years older than me, like, 25 or 26, really nice, so it was a pretty good morning, even though it took over 3h to just get the file to transfer correctly to the right format. We were dealing with both PC and Mac formats for things, and just moving the file around seemed to mess it up. Anyway, the laminator guy was sick, so I couldn’t get it laminated, but P had said it wasn’t necessary if I couldn’t get it done. Beth agreed to pick it up because I had lab that afternoon. She was so good to me that week, even sat around at school waiting for me that Wed. when classes got cancelled but P and I stayed in the lab to keep working. Anyway, the poster looked fantastic, I was so happy.
I still wasn’t happy with my grasp of the stats however, so I took a bunch of books and papers with me to read before I had to present. 5 of us were going on the trip, all bio students naturally; myself, Shawn (super smart, super nice, cute, popular, all around wonderful person, thin, dark hair), Dana (enthusiastic, nice, she loves me, recent convert from psych, I work with her at school, curly brown hair, not overweight, but a few extra pounds), Taylor (reminds me of a petite version of Angelina Jolie, smart, hilarious, stylish, straight brown hair), and Nicole (gorgeous, blond, smart, stylish, got to know her last year in fish class). I’ve known all except Nicole since high school, Dana since elementary school. Nicole and Taylor are already really good friends. I know them, but I’m closer to Shawn and Dana. We left at 4:30am to drive to the nearest big airport. Dana drove. We could’ve taken a flight from the local one, but it was way cheaper to drive for almost 4h to catch our 11am flight to the conference city. The drive there was pretty fun. Dana got to know Taylor and Nicole and bit. The flight was fun, too. I sat by Nicole and Taylor. And I got the window seat.
Friday afternoon was good, too. Hotel was fine, me and Shawn in one room, the girls in another on another floor. I spent most of the afternoon with Dana and Shawn buying sticky things at Staples to put up my poster, and trying to figure out bus routes, finding food, and walking back to the hotel on my own, where I fell asleep for an hour. Woke up and reviewed stats for a while, then went to the university to register at the conference. Wandered around the campus with Taylor and Nicole (the other two were visiting friends). It was fun just exploring. Anyway, I stayed up till 2am –ish reviewing stats.
Conference really began the next morning. The building we were in was super modern, lots of glass and steal and tile, I loved it. I presented my poster at lunch time. I thought it went well, though the judges had way more questions/criticisms of my experimental design than they had about my statistical analyses. But whatever, I was just glad to have it over with. SUCH a relief. All of that work, all of that time, finally I had presented. Really, the effort was more for P than for the conference, and while presenting for the judges had been stressful, the deadline of the conference for the poster’s completion was more stressful, and the stress I felt for the judges is more representative of the stress I still am feeling for my thesis defence in April. Anyway, at that point I could then enjoy the conference and not have to worry about remembering what the parametric equivalent of a Wilcoxon Sign rank test was or whatever. The presentations were mostly interesting, although, as with past conferences, most of the molecular ones went over my head. Taylor and Nicole both presented around 3pm. Both of theirs went well. Shawn probably understood and retained more than any of us. Dana, while not understanding as much, was definitely enthusiastic and into it all – I was impressed. Last year she wasn’t much of a student. This year, however, she switched her major to bio, and she’s studying way more, and getting better grades. I’m impressed. The third and last presentation session was the worst, just because we were all pretty tired, especially me, and the presentations weren’t as interesting. We were back at the hotel by 5-ish. I’d wanted to take a nap, but that never happened, and before I knew it, we’d started drinking.
I had three beer in the hotel room with Shawn and Dana. Then we all went to the banquet at the university. And who ended up sitting next to me but the chair of the biology dept! (from my university) I was like, this is going to be a disaster – but it was actually really fun! It’s nice to interact with professors in a non-classroom, non-hierarchical environment. He was super pumped I got into law school. He and one other prof sat with us, B. They were cool. And drinking a bit, though not as much as we were. It was Nicole’s birthday, too, so we all sang to her lol. Big 22 lol. I was on my 4th through 6th drinks at the banquet, and I never thought I’d interact with faculty while that intoxicated. But it went well. Immediately after the banquet was, for some reason, a lecture. Another academic lecture. About half the people skipped it to go downtown, but we decided to take it in. And it was absolutely hilarious. Everyone was loaded. And the prof giving the talk totally knew it and totally made the whole thing really funny. I really enjoyed it. Then that other prof who came to the conference, B, he’s great, drove us downtown in his rental!
Anyway, the rest of the night consisted of many bars (maybe 5) and the walking outside required to get from bar to bar, which was in itself pretty fun, lots more drinking, a hilarious girl from Alex’s school, dancing, a rapping Englishman, a karaoke bar (I didn’t sing, but Nicole did), pizza, and finally back to the hotel where I barfed and then went to bed, where Dana and Shawn leapt on me when they got back about 2h later (I was in a surprisingly good mood and just laughed).
The next day was a slow recovery. We missed the whole morning session of the conference and made it to the lunch banquet. B let us hang out in his hotel room all afternoon (Me, Nicole, and Taylor all slept in his bed) while Dana and Shawn went on a drive with him to see things in the area (it was freezing raining and cold and I was hung over so I opted not to go). Anyway, we ate a nice supper when my appetite came back, and then got on our flight at 8pm. Dana had slept from when she, Shawn and B had gotten back to when we left for the flight, so she was ok to drive home when we landed. B was staying an extra day. I left one of my bags in his room but he brought it back on Tues. Everyone stayed awake for the drive home, it was hilarious. I was in bed by 4am. And up for class the next day! Having skipped so many the previous week I was intent on making it – and I did.
So then there was this week. Pretty low key, communications assignments/tests/speeches dominated. Easy stuff. I’m feeling scared again for my thesis, but today I basically just slept and lounged around. Nice to do nothing, but I’m totally on borrowed time.
Mom and Dad are still in Florida. They call now and then, still always laughing and happy. I’m glad they’re having a good time. Snow is still on the ground here, but it’s getting milder.
When I read this in the distant future, I’m going to wonder what was going on in the world. The US presidential election is in the news a lot, or at least, in a lot of the news I read. Hillary and Obama are still battling for the Democratic nomination, while McCain’s got the Republican nomination wrapped up. The Conservatives under Harper just passed a motion in Parliament extending the Afghanistan mission to 2011 at least. The space shuttle’s just brought the Japanese built module up to the ISS. The governor of NY, Eliot Spitzer, just resigned over a prostitution scandal, making way for the first black, and first blind man to become governor of NY, David Patterson. I think today’s the anniversary of the Iraq war. The Latimer guy from out west who killed his disabled daughter a few years back just got parole. The Russian election was a few days ago; Putin’s successor was “voted” in, of course. Pakistan had their election, too, in the wake of Benazir Bhutto’s assassination. …I think that’s an adequate snapshot of what’s going on in the world at the moment.
Rachel’s brother. I haven’t really blogged about him ever. I’ve known him almost as long as I’ve known Rachel, since, like, grade 7, but he was always an extra person, you know, younger sibling of a friend. Anyway, his girlfriend is very sketchy. It’s led to numerous iffy situations for Rachel’s family so far, and now, quite suddenly although Shannon predicted this would happen, his girlfriend is pregnant. I thought that this wouldn’t happen because it’s so easily preventable… but I guess I was wrong. I thought he was smarter than this! He’s only, like, 19 I think. Anyway, apparently she’s going to get an abortion. But she’s very mentally unstable, and if she thinks that he’s going to leave her if she gets the abortion, then she might end up keeping the baby. Which, of course, Rachel’s family is completely against. Rachel’s brother’s always kind of been the golden child, destined for great things and all that. And he is smart, if a bit full of himself, though he’s gotten better over the years and I do like him. I hope things work out for him now.
Just over at my grandparent’s place. They have me $1000! To go toward law school. I’m still in shock over it. SO nice of them. I love them so much… and really, they never give huge gifts like this. Well, I shouldn’t say never, but usually they give random gifts, like, knick-knacks that they’ve picked up in Maine at these super cheap stores or something. Hilarious, random things. I love listening to my grandfather’s stories. While he can go on for quite a while, they’re always interesting. And my grandmother’ll chime in, and they’ll bicker, and it’s always funny. They’ve done so many things in their lives, and now they’re super old and they’ve still got each other. I think it’d be nice to end up like that.
Okay, enough blogging for one night. Today was a completely wasted day. Up super late chatting to Chris last night, mostly about sex, till 3:30am, slept till noon-ish, then did nothing today except cook, and read (l’Actualité), and nap, and blog, and visit my grandparents, and now I just drove Beth to a friend’s place. No productivity at all. Oh well, guess I haven’t had a nothing day in a while. But I bumped into P at the grocery store yesterday and said I’d be in to the lab on the weekend! I’m getting up early and going tomorrow. I have to lol.
Night!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
A Date
About two weeks ago, around Feb 8th, I was offered a place at my second choice law school. I was so happy! It’s one of the more competitive schools in the country, I don’t really know how I got in there. And they sent me the letter JUST after I accepted the offer from my third choice school. But oh well, the only reason I “accepted” to my third choice was because no other school had offered me anything at that point, and in order to keep my third choice as a viable option, I had to “accept,” or, in other words, pay them the non-refundable deposit. So I haven’t really decided where I want to go yet. My first, second, and third choices are all good, reputable schools. The main difference is that my third choice is much closer to home than the other two, and is somewhat less competitive. And it would be cheaper to go there. I think I’ll still choose my second over my third choice… but I’m not committing for a while. I have until May to decide on this new offer.
School’s been busy but good. Last week was definitely the busiest week of the semester so far. Not insane busy like other weeks I’ve experienced, like, no all-nighters, but still busy. A few 3am nights. And for some crazy reason I decided that I’d message a few different guys on a few gay profiles sites. And then started chatting to the se few guys. I always choose the moments when I have the least spare time.
The first guy was a cute, 30 year-old hair dresser. I considered meeting up for coffee or something. He seemed nice. Had just gotten out of a serious long term relationship. Truthfully he didn’t really seem like my type, but I was like, ..whatever, meeting up can’t hurt. The age difference didn’t really bother me (30 – 22 = 8y). Age is just a number anyway, it’s really all about how compatible our personalities are. On Friday last week, quite randomly, Shannon goes to get her hair done at his hair salon, and somehow I come up in conversation lol. So then that evening I tell Shannon all about him (I love that this can happen and it’s not awkward). She tells me that he’s nice, cute, and that I’d probably get along with him, but that he is a huge gossip. Stereotypically? I suppose so, but that’s not a turn on anyway. As the days passed, he and I continued chatting, but he seemed to lose interest a bit, so at this point in the week I’m really thinking that I’m not going to push the meeting up thing, I’ll just leave it up to him.
The second guy (and the last one I kept around from the few I msged and started to chat with from last week) was a university student like me, also 22, but he goes to school away and was home for the break. Name’s Chris. He seemed nice. Very closeted unfortunately. But I’m always happy to help someone along, offer advice and support, especially if they’re good people. Gradually I was able to discover that he had gone to my school last year, also taken biology, and that we’d actually sat next to one another in a class! Pretty random. I’d always had a feeling that he was gay, though apparently he’d never pegged me as gay. But then he says his gaydar sucks. Anyway, we kept chatting, he seemed nice, if a bit too excited to meet up. I generally like to be kind of low-key, low-expectations on the internet prior to meeting up with someone, if only to quash potential disappointment. But we decided to meet up.
And so last night we did! He came and picked me up at 8:30pm and we drove around for a while. It’s amazing how much ground you can cover. Like, we could have covered quite a distance if we’d actually driven in a straight line instead of driving in circles all night. Personally, I don’t like to drive too much on these random hang out things, just because of all the gas you waste. But some people, like Chris, and Six, too, LOVE to just drive and drive. And of course they never let me give them gas money. At least Six lets me buy him coffee. Anyway, so we chatted about lots and lots of different things. School, people we know in common, his future plans, my future plans, what it’s like to live away, working, summers, music, religion, gay issues, coming out to family, friends, how ppl took it, and in his case, how ppl will take it. Eventually we got to guys we know in common, and it turned out he knew Six! Not only that, he also knew S, Six’s ex, and he had also had felt in the middle during their whole break up drama! I couldn’t believe someone else had been through the same experience lol. He also knew of Vince, though hadn’t met him. Hadn’t heard of Alex. We knew a bunch of other guys in common too. It was so cool. We parked and chatted eventually, at this park/track I seem to always go to when I’m talking with anyone. Chatted about a lot more stuff there. Eventually I suggested grabbing some food, because it seemed like everything was going so smoothly. He liked the idea, so off we went to McDonald’s, where I got an oriental chicken salad, the only thing I ever get at McDonald’s. We parked and chatted some more. Got into some really deep topics, like, people who had died who were close to us – he definitely could’ve made me cry if he’d kept talking down a particular path, but then thankfully he made it funny and we were able to laugh, and the laughter was all that more intense because of the intensity of the conversation. But we talked more about the future, about our families, about lots and lots of things. He was very easy to talk to. Much easier to talk to than, say, the last guy I’d hung out with in January, who I’d first met this past summer. Anyway, he ended up dropping me off at 1am – the time had FLOWN. I kind of wanted to give him a hug or something, though I could tell if I’d gone in to kiss him he would’ve been pretty receptive. But I don’t really know how I feel about him, so I opted to kind of touch his arm, and say “..I feel like I should hug you or shake your hand or something,” and so I ended up shaking his hand, but it was a very warm hand shake, not a formal one. Almost a hug, really. Goodbyes can often be awkward, so I was fine with however we ended it. So yeah, definitely a successful meet-up. I refer to is as a date when I’m talking to Shannon or Rachel or Megan lol. I’ll have to call Alex and tell him how it went.
Speaking of Alex, we got to hang out on Saturday. It’s always so nice to see him. We went to the mall, then had Chinese food. I don’t know when I’ll get to see him again in the near future. Within the next few months sometime I’m sure. He was taking a little trip to see a guy-friend he’s made on the internet, I’ll have to see how that went, too.
Saturday night was awesome, I got drunk at a friend’s party, and went out to a bar. So much fun. Shannon even came, and took her boyfriend, who has definitely grown on me. It was a great night.
Sunday I went to tour that #3 law school with the pre-law group at school. Plus the pre-med group, who naturally were touring that school’s med school. It was a great trip, though I’ll blog more about it later.
And this week I’ve done almost NO school work. I’ve been to the lab ONCE, and only for about 2 hours. So awful. Planning on going tomorrow, early. Wednesday night I went to a low-key potluck, and the host gave us all the leftovers because she knows we’re home sans parents. So nice! Good food, too.
This evening I hung out with Megan and Shannon and Rachel. We watched The Notebook. So sappy, yet so sad. Totally hooked me, dragged me in, and then when it dumped the sap all over me I was balling lol. Like, it got seriously cheesy, but I’d been sucked in, and it only made me cry harder. Good movie. It was good to see Megan, too. She’s seeing someone! A crazy girl she’s mentioned before. I’ll call her soon and we can have a good chat about it, because we didn’t have a chance to really talk this break. They were all so excited for my date lol. I love it that we can talk about it so openly! I’m still not used to being out of the closet. I love it :)
Anyway, talk soon!
School’s been busy but good. Last week was definitely the busiest week of the semester so far. Not insane busy like other weeks I’ve experienced, like, no all-nighters, but still busy. A few 3am nights. And for some crazy reason I decided that I’d message a few different guys on a few gay profiles sites. And then started chatting to the se few guys. I always choose the moments when I have the least spare time.
The first guy was a cute, 30 year-old hair dresser. I considered meeting up for coffee or something. He seemed nice. Had just gotten out of a serious long term relationship. Truthfully he didn’t really seem like my type, but I was like, ..whatever, meeting up can’t hurt. The age difference didn’t really bother me (30 – 22 = 8y). Age is just a number anyway, it’s really all about how compatible our personalities are. On Friday last week, quite randomly, Shannon goes to get her hair done at his hair salon, and somehow I come up in conversation lol. So then that evening I tell Shannon all about him (I love that this can happen and it’s not awkward). She tells me that he’s nice, cute, and that I’d probably get along with him, but that he is a huge gossip. Stereotypically? I suppose so, but that’s not a turn on anyway. As the days passed, he and I continued chatting, but he seemed to lose interest a bit, so at this point in the week I’m really thinking that I’m not going to push the meeting up thing, I’ll just leave it up to him.
The second guy (and the last one I kept around from the few I msged and started to chat with from last week) was a university student like me, also 22, but he goes to school away and was home for the break. Name’s Chris. He seemed nice. Very closeted unfortunately. But I’m always happy to help someone along, offer advice and support, especially if they’re good people. Gradually I was able to discover that he had gone to my school last year, also taken biology, and that we’d actually sat next to one another in a class! Pretty random. I’d always had a feeling that he was gay, though apparently he’d never pegged me as gay. But then he says his gaydar sucks. Anyway, we kept chatting, he seemed nice, if a bit too excited to meet up. I generally like to be kind of low-key, low-expectations on the internet prior to meeting up with someone, if only to quash potential disappointment. But we decided to meet up.
And so last night we did! He came and picked me up at 8:30pm and we drove around for a while. It’s amazing how much ground you can cover. Like, we could have covered quite a distance if we’d actually driven in a straight line instead of driving in circles all night. Personally, I don’t like to drive too much on these random hang out things, just because of all the gas you waste. But some people, like Chris, and Six, too, LOVE to just drive and drive. And of course they never let me give them gas money. At least Six lets me buy him coffee. Anyway, so we chatted about lots and lots of different things. School, people we know in common, his future plans, my future plans, what it’s like to live away, working, summers, music, religion, gay issues, coming out to family, friends, how ppl took it, and in his case, how ppl will take it. Eventually we got to guys we know in common, and it turned out he knew Six! Not only that, he also knew S, Six’s ex, and he had also had felt in the middle during their whole break up drama! I couldn’t believe someone else had been through the same experience lol. He also knew of Vince, though hadn’t met him. Hadn’t heard of Alex. We knew a bunch of other guys in common too. It was so cool. We parked and chatted eventually, at this park/track I seem to always go to when I’m talking with anyone. Chatted about a lot more stuff there. Eventually I suggested grabbing some food, because it seemed like everything was going so smoothly. He liked the idea, so off we went to McDonald’s, where I got an oriental chicken salad, the only thing I ever get at McDonald’s. We parked and chatted some more. Got into some really deep topics, like, people who had died who were close to us – he definitely could’ve made me cry if he’d kept talking down a particular path, but then thankfully he made it funny and we were able to laugh, and the laughter was all that more intense because of the intensity of the conversation. But we talked more about the future, about our families, about lots and lots of things. He was very easy to talk to. Much easier to talk to than, say, the last guy I’d hung out with in January, who I’d first met this past summer. Anyway, he ended up dropping me off at 1am – the time had FLOWN. I kind of wanted to give him a hug or something, though I could tell if I’d gone in to kiss him he would’ve been pretty receptive. But I don’t really know how I feel about him, so I opted to kind of touch his arm, and say “..I feel like I should hug you or shake your hand or something,” and so I ended up shaking his hand, but it was a very warm hand shake, not a formal one. Almost a hug, really. Goodbyes can often be awkward, so I was fine with however we ended it. So yeah, definitely a successful meet-up. I refer to is as a date when I’m talking to Shannon or Rachel or Megan lol. I’ll have to call Alex and tell him how it went.
Speaking of Alex, we got to hang out on Saturday. It’s always so nice to see him. We went to the mall, then had Chinese food. I don’t know when I’ll get to see him again in the near future. Within the next few months sometime I’m sure. He was taking a little trip to see a guy-friend he’s made on the internet, I’ll have to see how that went, too.
Saturday night was awesome, I got drunk at a friend’s party, and went out to a bar. So much fun. Shannon even came, and took her boyfriend, who has definitely grown on me. It was a great night.
Sunday I went to tour that #3 law school with the pre-law group at school. Plus the pre-med group, who naturally were touring that school’s med school. It was a great trip, though I’ll blog more about it later.
And this week I’ve done almost NO school work. I’ve been to the lab ONCE, and only for about 2 hours. So awful. Planning on going tomorrow, early. Wednesday night I went to a low-key potluck, and the host gave us all the leftovers because she knows we’re home sans parents. So nice! Good food, too.
This evening I hung out with Megan and Shannon and Rachel. We watched The Notebook. So sappy, yet so sad. Totally hooked me, dragged me in, and then when it dumped the sap all over me I was balling lol. Like, it got seriously cheesy, but I’d been sucked in, and it only made me cry harder. Good movie. It was good to see Megan, too. She’s seeing someone! A crazy girl she’s mentioned before. I’ll call her soon and we can have a good chat about it, because we didn’t have a chance to really talk this break. They were all so excited for my date lol. I love it that we can talk about it so openly! I’m still not used to being out of the closet. I love it :)
Anyway, talk soon!
Friday, January 18, 2008
Rocket Man
I kind of feel like my life is about to launch or something. Like, there’s one of those countdowns on, and as soon as I graduate, I’m going to just blast-off. It’s a wonderful feeling. It’s exciting.
My last email was a bit morose – I rarely, rarely am in a bad mood like that, and naturally by the next day I was super happy. The good parts are what I tend to dwell on if you give me time. Plus on Monday I was thrust back into my normal life, which does make me feel fairly content, if only because it’s so busy and people-filled. And the weekend was SO awesome. I felt literally like I was on a high or something on Tuesday night. I ended up calling Shannon and having an enormous, deep, fun conversation with her. Like, almost three hours long I think. She told me all about this drama at school. She had accidentally blurted to this girl that this girl's boyfriend had been cheating on her (I’d told Shannon about the cheating, in confidence, but we’d both thought that this girl had known the full story, that the boyfriend had confessed – but he actually hadn’t. He and the other cheater had fabricated a story that they were both sticking to. Whoops lol). (Anyway, that’s since been resolved). We talked about the future. We talked about all the crap that Shannon has to do right now. We talked about all the crap I have to do right now. We’re both doing theses. Blah. Then I told her all about my weekend, which she loved. I told her the entire back story. Like, the ENTIRE story. All about me chatting to Vince, and Six, and Alex all separately, and then Alex meeting and dating Vince, and then them breaking up, and then Alex meeting Six online, and then the entire fight I had with Vince online because he lied over something stupid, and then me blocking him, and then Vince coming here to do his practicum, and then he and Six starting to date, and then me unblocking Vince at mostly Six’s request but also a little bit of Alex’s, and then he and I making up, and then all of them inviting me down for the weekend. That took a while, it’s like a soap. And then the whole weekend was recounted, too. Which led to this big conversation about me being in the closet and what she and our other friends had been thinking through different situations over the years. Everyone’s so shocked at my “secret life,” all these guys I’ve met through the internet and developed friendships with, without my straight friends knowing about it. I was so sneaky lol. It’s so nice to be out! You get to deepen your friendships.
After that I chatted to Alex for a bit, and went on a bit too long about how adorable Six and Vince are together. I kind of forget that Alex and Vince dated through September. I ended up being totally insensitive and then apologizing the next day. I so would never want to hurt Alex… I just get swept up in the whole Six and Vince are in love and I’m SO happy for them. It’s so nice when two people who you like find happiness with each other. Sappy, I know, but I can be pretty sentimental. I cried today while rushing to finish a short story before I rushed to anatomy class. The main character died in the end! Quite moving. Anyway.
Six told me last night he’s applying to a journalism program! Now, this must be the sixth time he’s told me he’s applying somewhere, and they’ve all been different places and he’s never actually gone through with it. He started university at my school when I was in second year, but then he dropped out a little over half way through. Dealing with being gay was definitely a contributing factor, in my opinion. He’s come such a long way since I met him. I really, really hope that this program works out. We’ll see. He wants to apply tomorrow. I’ll check in with him.
I finally met up with my supervisor today. She’s so awesome! Yet she intimidates me more than anyone else. I love her, and am scared of her all at once. I jump at the chance to work with her or impress her, but I find I avoid her if I’m at all nervous about something. It’s weird. I’ll be glad when this thesis is behind me. It’s way too stressful.
Six is going back to visit Vince on the weekend of Feb. 8th. I really hope I can go. I’m having a meeting with my sup on Saturday, after which I can really buckle down and get a lot of work done. And as long as I keep staying on top of all my other course work… everything should work out! Two other trips are planned this semester. One to tour a law school in mid Feb., and the other to a biology conference in March. If I go on all of these including the one on the 8th , it might be my most travelled semester yet. I was also invited to go with Shannon to see Megan at her school at the end of the month, but it’s way farther, and I’d have to buy a bus ticket… and I’m too cheap. And frankly, I’d rather use a free weekend to go see Alex and Vince with Six than to see Megan. Even though she’s one of my closest friends and I have never actually been to visit her at her school in the last three years.
I’ve been meaning to call Rachel. Her brother got in a car accident (that I’m not suppose to talk about), and she’s also having people over this weekend. And she wants to hear about my weekend away. I also need to call Jocelyn, who called me, like, two weeks ago! and then I had to let her go because I was going out. I feel really bad. I suck at calling her! She’s going to be in England next year while I’m in France, so we’re definitely hanging out. She wants to go to Prague together. Maybe Rachel will be there too, just for fun for a few days. I’d love it!
Anyway, gotta go snack and send a gazillion emails and eat something.
My last email was a bit morose – I rarely, rarely am in a bad mood like that, and naturally by the next day I was super happy. The good parts are what I tend to dwell on if you give me time. Plus on Monday I was thrust back into my normal life, which does make me feel fairly content, if only because it’s so busy and people-filled. And the weekend was SO awesome. I felt literally like I was on a high or something on Tuesday night. I ended up calling Shannon and having an enormous, deep, fun conversation with her. Like, almost three hours long I think. She told me all about this drama at school. She had accidentally blurted to this girl that this girl's boyfriend had been cheating on her (I’d told Shannon about the cheating, in confidence, but we’d both thought that this girl had known the full story, that the boyfriend had confessed – but he actually hadn’t. He and the other cheater had fabricated a story that they were both sticking to. Whoops lol). (Anyway, that’s since been resolved). We talked about the future. We talked about all the crap that Shannon has to do right now. We talked about all the crap I have to do right now. We’re both doing theses. Blah. Then I told her all about my weekend, which she loved. I told her the entire back story. Like, the ENTIRE story. All about me chatting to Vince, and Six, and Alex all separately, and then Alex meeting and dating Vince, and then them breaking up, and then Alex meeting Six online, and then the entire fight I had with Vince online because he lied over something stupid, and then me blocking him, and then Vince coming here to do his practicum, and then he and Six starting to date, and then me unblocking Vince at mostly Six’s request but also a little bit of Alex’s, and then he and I making up, and then all of them inviting me down for the weekend. That took a while, it’s like a soap. And then the whole weekend was recounted, too. Which led to this big conversation about me being in the closet and what she and our other friends had been thinking through different situations over the years. Everyone’s so shocked at my “secret life,” all these guys I’ve met through the internet and developed friendships with, without my straight friends knowing about it. I was so sneaky lol. It’s so nice to be out! You get to deepen your friendships.
After that I chatted to Alex for a bit, and went on a bit too long about how adorable Six and Vince are together. I kind of forget that Alex and Vince dated through September. I ended up being totally insensitive and then apologizing the next day. I so would never want to hurt Alex… I just get swept up in the whole Six and Vince are in love and I’m SO happy for them. It’s so nice when two people who you like find happiness with each other. Sappy, I know, but I can be pretty sentimental. I cried today while rushing to finish a short story before I rushed to anatomy class. The main character died in the end! Quite moving. Anyway.
Six told me last night he’s applying to a journalism program! Now, this must be the sixth time he’s told me he’s applying somewhere, and they’ve all been different places and he’s never actually gone through with it. He started university at my school when I was in second year, but then he dropped out a little over half way through. Dealing with being gay was definitely a contributing factor, in my opinion. He’s come such a long way since I met him. I really, really hope that this program works out. We’ll see. He wants to apply tomorrow. I’ll check in with him.
I finally met up with my supervisor today. She’s so awesome! Yet she intimidates me more than anyone else. I love her, and am scared of her all at once. I jump at the chance to work with her or impress her, but I find I avoid her if I’m at all nervous about something. It’s weird. I’ll be glad when this thesis is behind me. It’s way too stressful.
Six is going back to visit Vince on the weekend of Feb. 8th. I really hope I can go. I’m having a meeting with my sup on Saturday, after which I can really buckle down and get a lot of work done. And as long as I keep staying on top of all my other course work… everything should work out! Two other trips are planned this semester. One to tour a law school in mid Feb., and the other to a biology conference in March. If I go on all of these including the one on the 8th , it might be my most travelled semester yet. I was also invited to go with Shannon to see Megan at her school at the end of the month, but it’s way farther, and I’d have to buy a bus ticket… and I’m too cheap. And frankly, I’d rather use a free weekend to go see Alex and Vince with Six than to see Megan. Even though she’s one of my closest friends and I have never actually been to visit her at her school in the last three years.
I’ve been meaning to call Rachel. Her brother got in a car accident (that I’m not suppose to talk about), and she’s also having people over this weekend. And she wants to hear about my weekend away. I also need to call Jocelyn, who called me, like, two weeks ago! and then I had to let her go because I was going out. I feel really bad. I suck at calling her! She’s going to be in England next year while I’m in France, so we’re definitely hanging out. She wants to go to Prague together. Maybe Rachel will be there too, just for fun for a few days. I’d love it!
Anyway, gotta go snack and send a gazillion emails and eat something.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Back to School
I had an awesome break. SO relaxing. So lazy. So lazy it makes me feel guilty actually. I didn’t get into the lab ONCE. And I’d really led my supervisor to believe I’d be in a whole bunch once exams were through… ugh. School’s back on now, since yesterday. Thankfully my guilt has led to extreme productivity since Monday morning, so I’ve spent about 8 or 9 hours in the lab and I’ve gotten a lot done. Hardly makes up for doing NOTHING over the break, but still, it’s a start. My supervisor, P, is delightful. I have a huge amount of respect and admiration for her, partially why I feel so guilty for not getting into the lab over the break. Also, she gives Christmas presents to the students in her lab! There are just two of us this year, me and Sara. Sara is a huge nerd with little personality, though I still like her, most of the time. I’m fairly outgoing, thankfully, otherwise I don’t think I’d know a thing about her and we’d never have spoken. She’s definitely more outgoing than she was in high school (yes, I’ve known her that long), but she’s still an introvert. Seeing as she’s the uber-nerd, I’m pretty sure she spent her break entirely in the lab, though I’ve yet to ask her. Probably got an enormous amount of work done. Ugh. Anyway, I was unprepared for the gift thing from P last year, but this year, I was ready, and got something for her. I haven’t actually seen P at all since I finished correcting exams for her right after I finished writing mine around the 18th. When I went into the lab yesterday, there on stools, were two gift bags with shiny tissue paper coming out the top, with cards perched on each of them labelled “Robert” and “Sara.” I left P’s gift bag on her desk chair. I hope she likes it!
New Years was quite fun. Rachel and me went to a Chinese food place with about 10 friends, then to a house party, and then to a friend’s family party at a rented out community hall. It was so fun! Kind of reminded me of the big family things I used to go to when I was younger, people of all ages in attendance, but mostly early 20-somethings like me. Played drinking games (but not to any extreme), talked, laughed, smoked a cigar, took crazy pictures, and danced. It was great.
The next day (thankfully I hadn’t opted to go to the next house party, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to get up in the morning I’m sure) Mom woke me around 9am and said we were going to Halifax. Halifax is the regional urban hub of Eastern Canada and hence has the best shopping. Beth, my sister, had to stay home to do school work, a distance poli-sci course she hates, and Dad decided to stay home with her, so it was just me and Mom leaving. We had a really nice little trip! Left on a Tuesday, got to visit with family that day, the next day we shopped all day, bumped into more family in the mall, had a great time. I love shopping and wish I lived in Halifax. And not just because of the shopping, I’m really more of a city person. Anyway, that night I went to see Enchanted with Alex, a friend of mine. He’s gay, too; we’ve been the best of friends ever since I found him, or vice versa, on some random internet site the summer after high school. That was… 3 and a half years ago. He was the first person I'd ever actually met in real life who I’d first met online. Big step at the time. It’s been purely platonic, he’s a wonderful person, we chat on the phone regularly, I love him to death. Anyway, we went to Chapters, then saw Enchanted, and loved it. It was nice to hang out with him, we don’t get to that often (he goes to another university).
Alex actually just invited me to come and visit him at his school. I could stay in his apartment and everything (he’s got three roommates, but apparently they wouldn’t mind. I’ve met two of them, they’re really nice, so I think it’d be fine). I’d be getting a drive up with Six, another friend of mine, also gay, who’s dating Vince, an ex of Alex’s, but who he’s on good terms with. Vince and Alex go to the same school, so I’d be hitching a ride with Six who’s going to visit Vince. Six lives near me but dropped out of university year before last (he’s supposed to be moving to Ontario to re-start in Sept, but we’ll see if that actually happens. He seems excited, so I hope it does). I don’t often do these weekend away things during the semester, but I think I could afford one now, seeing as school work hasn’t had a chance to get out of control yet, and I am being super productive this week. I work at the library on the weekends, so I’ll have to get my shift changed, but if I can do that then it should be a go. Fun :D
New Years was quite fun. Rachel and me went to a Chinese food place with about 10 friends, then to a house party, and then to a friend’s family party at a rented out community hall. It was so fun! Kind of reminded me of the big family things I used to go to when I was younger, people of all ages in attendance, but mostly early 20-somethings like me. Played drinking games (but not to any extreme), talked, laughed, smoked a cigar, took crazy pictures, and danced. It was great.
The next day (thankfully I hadn’t opted to go to the next house party, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to get up in the morning I’m sure) Mom woke me around 9am and said we were going to Halifax. Halifax is the regional urban hub of Eastern Canada and hence has the best shopping. Beth, my sister, had to stay home to do school work, a distance poli-sci course she hates, and Dad decided to stay home with her, so it was just me and Mom leaving. We had a really nice little trip! Left on a Tuesday, got to visit with family that day, the next day we shopped all day, bumped into more family in the mall, had a great time. I love shopping and wish I lived in Halifax. And not just because of the shopping, I’m really more of a city person. Anyway, that night I went to see Enchanted with Alex, a friend of mine. He’s gay, too; we’ve been the best of friends ever since I found him, or vice versa, on some random internet site the summer after high school. That was… 3 and a half years ago. He was the first person I'd ever actually met in real life who I’d first met online. Big step at the time. It’s been purely platonic, he’s a wonderful person, we chat on the phone regularly, I love him to death. Anyway, we went to Chapters, then saw Enchanted, and loved it. It was nice to hang out with him, we don’t get to that often (he goes to another university).
Alex actually just invited me to come and visit him at his school. I could stay in his apartment and everything (he’s got three roommates, but apparently they wouldn’t mind. I’ve met two of them, they’re really nice, so I think it’d be fine). I’d be getting a drive up with Six, another friend of mine, also gay, who’s dating Vince, an ex of Alex’s, but who he’s on good terms with. Vince and Alex go to the same school, so I’d be hitching a ride with Six who’s going to visit Vince. Six lives near me but dropped out of university year before last (he’s supposed to be moving to Ontario to re-start in Sept, but we’ll see if that actually happens. He seems excited, so I hope it does). I don’t often do these weekend away things during the semester, but I think I could afford one now, seeing as school work hasn’t had a chance to get out of control yet, and I am being super productive this week. I work at the library on the weekends, so I’ll have to get my shift changed, but if I can do that then it should be a go. Fun :D
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