Oh my, April 7th already. Thesis still not done, though it's going to have to be within the next two weeks. Defence on the 18th. Exams on the 14th, 19th, and 22nd. And then I'm FREE. Today was the last day of classes. Last day of classes of my degree. Hard to believe! No, the time hasn't flown, though the last four years have been awesome, but you don't expect the last day of classes to be here. It's always just been something out there in the future somewhere. Just like everything else in the future lol.
Mom and Dad have returned from Florida. Beth's gone dogsitting, though I see her every day. I went up to her "new house" on Friday night and stayed over. We watched the second Elizabeth movie, The Golden Age (good, but we were both a bit lost through most of it), and then watched the season premier of Battlestar Galactica. We LOVE this show. Though we've been quite spoiled with a lack of commercial breaks, since up till now I'd downloaded the whole series through BitTorrent, sans ads.
Alex is coming down for a couple of days this week, he wants to go out to eat with me and Six and Vince. I think it'll be nice to get together, and even to see Six, since he can be so antisocial.
Chatting to a number of new guys online lately. One seems particularly promising, though he goes to school a 5-ish hour drive away (Megan's school). Beth and I might go visit Megan and others later this month, so I might actually get to meet this guy. We'll see.
Sad story. A guy at my school just died the other day. A rare form of cancer. HUGE tragedy, he was loved by everyone he knew, at the top of his class mark-wise, friendly, outgoing, energetic, attractive even. He was also gay. And that's how I made a connection with him. One year ago next week. He had a profile on a site, I added him as a "Favourite" or something, he msged me, we moved to msn, and then chatted. He was super nice, confident, but I was still pretty in the closet at that point, and I wasn't willing to meet up any time soon. Maybe after a few weeks of chatting, I’d thought. To my insular view, he seemed to want to move too fast. It would've been the first time I'd met up with anyone from my school. Anyway, we chatted for a while, but then drifted apart after a few attempts to meet up didn't work out for a variety of reasons. Sometime afterwards he dated Six for a few months, but after they broke up I didn’t really hear much about him over the past year. A few overheard things about how he was doing, health-wise, these past few months. He was a great guy, from what I knew from chatting to him, and what everyone’s been saying about him since he died.
Alex had been the one to call and tell me about his death. Chris and I have talked about it a bit; Chris had fooled around with him way back when. I’ve tried to talk to Six about it, but he can be so non-communicative, I haven’t really gotten him to open up about it. He’d always felt some lingering guilt about breaking up with him, mainly because he’d had this terminal illness. It was the best thing to do, to break up, because the relationship was obviously not meant to be, personalities-wise, but still, Six never really felt good about it.
Everyone that knew him was pretty sad on Friday, and again today. In one of my classes, the prof made this little speech like thing about him, saying where he sat (right where I sit apparently), just saying how much he contributed to the class, through his questions, and his presence, and how terrible it is to lose one of “our family,” which I thought was touching. He asked if we’d take a moment to reflect, and remember him. Then (this prof is kind of old fashioned and only uses an overhead projector; no computer aids) he put a transparency on the projector, and, as silence descended, turned out the lights in the classroom. The transparency had the guy's name typed on it, with the degree he’d just earned after his name, and then the dates, 1985-2008. And that’s it. Just those words in black on a white background in silence. So we sat. The night before I’d gone back to my msn and re-read all the conversations we’d had. We’d talked about some pretty heavy stuff. His coming out to his parents, how it hadn’t been that great. His supportive friends. The few relationships he’d had with guys over the years, the good and the bad. At that point he’d hoped we'd get to hang out over the summer, maybe go scuba diving. He said he’d teach me. He was so sweet. He told me about the cancer. How he didn’t like telling people because he didn’t want them to treat him any differently. He had dreams for the future. Big dreams. He wanted to become a doctor some day. He just had such a great attitude. Something he said stuck with me for some reason:
“You only have one chance in life, and if you do your best to improve the lives of others then your time has meant something.”
And as I sat there in the dark, looking up at that transparency, I thought of what he’d said and I started to cry. It’s weird how you can get to know someone online. I’ve never held his gaze, never heard his voice, never shaken his hand. I’ve only ever read things that he typed to me. And only for a few weeks, at that. I let emotions sweep me away sometimes, I guess.
Then the prof flicked the lights back on and started class. I wasn’t the only one with tears in my eyes, that’s for sure.
Anyway, this was a depressing entry lol. Wanted to write about it.
Later.
Showing posts with label chris. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chris. Show all posts
Monday, April 7, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Trips
Lots to blog about.
First, the pre-law/pre-med trip on Feb. 24-25.
- - -
Instead of renting a bus or something, the group decided to go in a few cars. Somehow I ended up in a car with these two really hot straight guys. Who for some reason seemed to like me. One of them has been in the pre-law group since last year, Jason. He’s a year or two younger than me. Dresses well. Dark brown hair. Tall-ish. I could see him being rich some day. Seems to know how to have fun with the boys watching the football game, but at the same time can give a great impression in the classroom. And he’s friendly. I think he’s in arts, but he looks like a business person. Actually, I remember now, he’s in poli-sci. Shannon knows him. Calls him her hot friend lol. The other guy is a bit shorter than Jason, same age. Slightly more adorable and less intimidating than Jason. Darker hair, darker eyes, tends not to smile as much, but when he does it’s really cute. Name’s Luke. Gives off an impression he’s more macho than he is. He’s in bio, like me, but he’s in the pre-med group, not the pre-law. And he’s in the military, or the militia, or something. We were in programming together last semester, and he totally saved me in the lab. He could actually program, whereas I’m not that great. He was an awesome help. Anyway, so I end up in the same car as them. Thought it would be pretty fun. They’re both pretty nice guys, it seems. Then this other guy got shoved into the car, too; Ray. He seemed quiet. He wasn’t attractive, and he ended up being a douche, which only added to his unattractiveness.
So off we go. The car ride was about 4.5h long. The guys spent most of the time quoting from comedy routines and Family Guy and South Park and SNL and lots of other things I never watch. I totally could not participate in these convos, but I did laugh sometimes. We ended up listening to this random song about a zombie talking to his friend in a mall… actually a good tune, became like the theme song of the trip. Ray was kind of homophobic, in a weird way. Like, at one point he’d be saying how outrageous it was that the Westboro Church people (you know, they protest at everything, super anti-gay) were protesting outside Heath Ledger’s funeral, and then later on he’d make these awful gay jokes, and he always used “gay” derogatorily. Almost like at heart he might not be homophobic, but that most of the time it didn’t matter because he gave off a homophobic vibe because of the casual things he’d say. Luke, on the other hand, was very vocally pro-gay rights, surprisingly, and made a point of saying how it didn’t matter to him if someone was gay, and how he thought discrimination based on sexual orientation was stupid, etc. Like, even just if something he was saying could potentially be interpreted, indirectly, as being homophobic, he’d make a point of saying that that’s not what he meant. I REALLY appreciated this. Made me like him even more. Jason wasn’t homophobic, aside from occasionally calling something gay, like, the rain or something (at which point Luke would be like, “I didn’t know rain had a sexual orientation.” lol), though he wasn’t as vocally pro-gay as Luke. It’s funny how often topics about gay people or sexual orientation or whatever come up in a group of straight guys.
After stopping at a restaurant and a liquor store on the way up, we arrived at the hotel, and lounged around for a while. We drank a bit, went out to eat with the whole group (20-ish), came back, kept drinking, went to a bar, back to the room, and to bed by 3-something. A very fun night. But we, everyone (well, almost everyone), stayed up far too late really. The organizer of the whole trip, E, had scheduled a tour of a courthouse for 8:30am the next morning, which most of us, including myself, thought was optional. A few people ended up going, but most of us decided to sleep through it and go on the law-school tour at 10am. Apparently E was pretty upset about it. We seriously thought she’d said it was optional, but anyway, nothing we could do about it but feel bad, and apologize (which I did when we got back, via email). Anyway, the law-school tour was awesome. Two students and an associate dean talked to us for a while, and then the two students led us through the whole law building. It would be pretty nice to go there (it’s my third choice school, the one I’ve already “accepted” to), but I still think my second choice is preferable.
After that we all met up at Pizza Hut (took forever to find, and it was super windy and rainy) where we all decided to buy E a big gift ( ...not from Pizza Hut tho lol) and get her a thank you card. I’m the money collector, and I’m still trying to track one last person down now, and it’s 3 weeks later. Drive home was fine, a girl came with us, I talked to her for most of the trip back. It was nice to have someone who could carry on an actual conversation and not just endlessly quote from comedy sketches or whatever.
About three days after we got back I worked up the nerve to msg Luke and tell him how much I appreciated how open-minded and non-prejudicial he was of gay people. Naturally this meant I came out to him, too. He wrote back this awesome reply, was glad I told him, and agreed that Ray was an ass lol. I would NEVER have done this, say, last year at this point. Being out is so wonderful. But seriously, I think it's important that straight people who bother standing up for gay people get positive feedback about it. Like, I really liked that he said the things he said, and the only way he's going to know how awesome that is is if someone tells him. And I love it that I'm ok enough with myself, and open enough about my sexuality, to be able to give him that feeback.
- - -
After the trip was through, break was great (see last entry), but my thesis was beginning to catch up with me. The big biology conference was coming up (March 7-9) and it was Feb 22 and I hadn’t even finished all my data input. P, my supervisor, had gone abroad for the break, and so wasn’t around to make me feel like I had to rush. Or be productive at all. So I spent that weekend at the lab, and after contending with a midterm and other business, finished it all by Tues. Another midterm on Wed and then I had a meeting with P on Thursday. I was SUPER stressed that day- I thought that P would be terribly disappointed and possibly angry that I hadn’t gotten as much accomplished as she’d wanted (I’d told her I was almost through with the data input before she went away). But she was so positive! She can intimidate me a lot, but I really do love her. So we made a plan for all that I had to do between that day, Feb 28, and March 4th or 5th. I was putting all my project onto a poster, which is one of the ways scientists convey their findings to their peers at conferences (either posters or oral presentations). P had wanted me to do an oral at first, but the two other students presenting at the conference from our school had also wanted to do an oral, so we drew from a hat, and they won (which I’m now very happy about). Anyway, so the poster had to be given to the printer’s at least 24h before I could pick it up. I was leaving at 4am on Friday, so I had to pick up the poster by Thursday, which meant I had to have it done by Wednesday. And when we were having this conversation it was Thursday. I basically had to do all of my data analysis, write a conclusion, revise my intro, objectives, and materials and methods, and then design and put together the poster in 6 days. Plus contend with two more midterms.
Those six days were the busiest, most intense, and most productive of my entire life. I spent almost every free hour at the lab, usually staying till 1am or so. I skipped every class except labs and midterms. P stayed with me for quite a few hours for a number of the days I was there, she was a HUGE help with the stats. My stats background is pretty weak – for some reason our school doesn’t offer an upper level biology stats course. First year stats is almost useless, and plus I forget most of it. And anymore stats than first year’s isn’t mandatory, so I took other things. Anyway, I was really overtired through that period, and I didn’t end up finishing the poster till about 6pm on Wednesday, after the printer’s had closed. I had been talking to the printer guy the week before, however, and he’d said that really, while they recommend 24h before-hand, or even 48h to avoid technical difficulties, it was possibly for him to do it in one 8h shift. So early the next morning I brought in the file, and we set about trying to get it to print. The printer guy is maybe a few years older than me, like, 25 or 26, really nice, so it was a pretty good morning, even though it took over 3h to just get the file to transfer correctly to the right format. We were dealing with both PC and Mac formats for things, and just moving the file around seemed to mess it up. Anyway, the laminator guy was sick, so I couldn’t get it laminated, but P had said it wasn’t necessary if I couldn’t get it done. Beth agreed to pick it up because I had lab that afternoon. She was so good to me that week, even sat around at school waiting for me that Wed. when classes got cancelled but P and I stayed in the lab to keep working. Anyway, the poster looked fantastic, I was so happy.
I still wasn’t happy with my grasp of the stats however, so I took a bunch of books and papers with me to read before I had to present. 5 of us were going on the trip, all bio students naturally; myself, Shawn (super smart, super nice, cute, popular, all around wonderful person, thin, dark hair), Dana (enthusiastic, nice, she loves me, recent convert from psych, I work with her at school, curly brown hair, not overweight, but a few extra pounds), Taylor (reminds me of a petite version of Angelina Jolie, smart, hilarious, stylish, straight brown hair), and Nicole (gorgeous, blond, smart, stylish, got to know her last year in fish class). I’ve known all except Nicole since high school, Dana since elementary school. Nicole and Taylor are already really good friends. I know them, but I’m closer to Shawn and Dana. We left at 4:30am to drive to the nearest big airport. Dana drove. We could’ve taken a flight from the local one, but it was way cheaper to drive for almost 4h to catch our 11am flight to the conference city. The drive there was pretty fun. Dana got to know Taylor and Nicole and bit. The flight was fun, too. I sat by Nicole and Taylor. And I got the window seat.
Friday afternoon was good, too. Hotel was fine, me and Shawn in one room, the girls in another on another floor. I spent most of the afternoon with Dana and Shawn buying sticky things at Staples to put up my poster, and trying to figure out bus routes, finding food, and walking back to the hotel on my own, where I fell asleep for an hour. Woke up and reviewed stats for a while, then went to the university to register at the conference. Wandered around the campus with Taylor and Nicole (the other two were visiting friends). It was fun just exploring. Anyway, I stayed up till 2am –ish reviewing stats.
Conference really began the next morning. The building we were in was super modern, lots of glass and steal and tile, I loved it. I presented my poster at lunch time. I thought it went well, though the judges had way more questions/criticisms of my experimental design than they had about my statistical analyses. But whatever, I was just glad to have it over with. SUCH a relief. All of that work, all of that time, finally I had presented. Really, the effort was more for P than for the conference, and while presenting for the judges had been stressful, the deadline of the conference for the poster’s completion was more stressful, and the stress I felt for the judges is more representative of the stress I still am feeling for my thesis defence in April. Anyway, at that point I could then enjoy the conference and not have to worry about remembering what the parametric equivalent of a Wilcoxon Sign rank test was or whatever. The presentations were mostly interesting, although, as with past conferences, most of the molecular ones went over my head. Taylor and Nicole both presented around 3pm. Both of theirs went well. Shawn probably understood and retained more than any of us. Dana, while not understanding as much, was definitely enthusiastic and into it all – I was impressed. Last year she wasn’t much of a student. This year, however, she switched her major to bio, and she’s studying way more, and getting better grades. I’m impressed. The third and last presentation session was the worst, just because we were all pretty tired, especially me, and the presentations weren’t as interesting. We were back at the hotel by 5-ish. I’d wanted to take a nap, but that never happened, and before I knew it, we’d started drinking.
I had three beer in the hotel room with Shawn and Dana. Then we all went to the banquet at the university. And who ended up sitting next to me but the chair of the biology dept! (from my university) I was like, this is going to be a disaster – but it was actually really fun! It’s nice to interact with professors in a non-classroom, non-hierarchical environment. He was super pumped I got into law school. He and one other prof sat with us, B. They were cool. And drinking a bit, though not as much as we were. It was Nicole’s birthday, too, so we all sang to her lol. Big 22 lol. I was on my 4th through 6th drinks at the banquet, and I never thought I’d interact with faculty while that intoxicated. But it went well. Immediately after the banquet was, for some reason, a lecture. Another academic lecture. About half the people skipped it to go downtown, but we decided to take it in. And it was absolutely hilarious. Everyone was loaded. And the prof giving the talk totally knew it and totally made the whole thing really funny. I really enjoyed it. Then that other prof who came to the conference, B, he’s great, drove us downtown in his rental!
Anyway, the rest of the night consisted of many bars (maybe 5) and the walking outside required to get from bar to bar, which was in itself pretty fun, lots more drinking, a hilarious girl from Alex’s school, dancing, a rapping Englishman, a karaoke bar (I didn’t sing, but Nicole did), pizza, and finally back to the hotel where I barfed and then went to bed, where Dana and Shawn leapt on me when they got back about 2h later (I was in a surprisingly good mood and just laughed).
The next day was a slow recovery. We missed the whole morning session of the conference and made it to the lunch banquet. B let us hang out in his hotel room all afternoon (Me, Nicole, and Taylor all slept in his bed) while Dana and Shawn went on a drive with him to see things in the area (it was freezing raining and cold and I was hung over so I opted not to go). Anyway, we ate a nice supper when my appetite came back, and then got on our flight at 8pm. Dana had slept from when she, Shawn and B had gotten back to when we left for the flight, so she was ok to drive home when we landed. B was staying an extra day. I left one of my bags in his room but he brought it back on Tues. Everyone stayed awake for the drive home, it was hilarious. I was in bed by 4am. And up for class the next day! Having skipped so many the previous week I was intent on making it – and I did.
So then there was this week. Pretty low key, communications assignments/tests/speeches dominated. Easy stuff. I’m feeling scared again for my thesis, but today I basically just slept and lounged around. Nice to do nothing, but I’m totally on borrowed time.
Mom and Dad are still in Florida. They call now and then, still always laughing and happy. I’m glad they’re having a good time. Snow is still on the ground here, but it’s getting milder.
When I read this in the distant future, I’m going to wonder what was going on in the world. The US presidential election is in the news a lot, or at least, in a lot of the news I read. Hillary and Obama are still battling for the Democratic nomination, while McCain’s got the Republican nomination wrapped up. The Conservatives under Harper just passed a motion in Parliament extending the Afghanistan mission to 2011 at least. The space shuttle’s just brought the Japanese built module up to the ISS. The governor of NY, Eliot Spitzer, just resigned over a prostitution scandal, making way for the first black, and first blind man to become governor of NY, David Patterson. I think today’s the anniversary of the Iraq war. The Latimer guy from out west who killed his disabled daughter a few years back just got parole. The Russian election was a few days ago; Putin’s successor was “voted” in, of course. Pakistan had their election, too, in the wake of Benazir Bhutto’s assassination. …I think that’s an adequate snapshot of what’s going on in the world at the moment.
Rachel’s brother. I haven’t really blogged about him ever. I’ve known him almost as long as I’ve known Rachel, since, like, grade 7, but he was always an extra person, you know, younger sibling of a friend. Anyway, his girlfriend is very sketchy. It’s led to numerous iffy situations for Rachel’s family so far, and now, quite suddenly although Shannon predicted this would happen, his girlfriend is pregnant. I thought that this wouldn’t happen because it’s so easily preventable… but I guess I was wrong. I thought he was smarter than this! He’s only, like, 19 I think. Anyway, apparently she’s going to get an abortion. But she’s very mentally unstable, and if she thinks that he’s going to leave her if she gets the abortion, then she might end up keeping the baby. Which, of course, Rachel’s family is completely against. Rachel’s brother’s always kind of been the golden child, destined for great things and all that. And he is smart, if a bit full of himself, though he’s gotten better over the years and I do like him. I hope things work out for him now.
Just over at my grandparent’s place. They have me $1000! To go toward law school. I’m still in shock over it. SO nice of them. I love them so much… and really, they never give huge gifts like this. Well, I shouldn’t say never, but usually they give random gifts, like, knick-knacks that they’ve picked up in Maine at these super cheap stores or something. Hilarious, random things. I love listening to my grandfather’s stories. While he can go on for quite a while, they’re always interesting. And my grandmother’ll chime in, and they’ll bicker, and it’s always funny. They’ve done so many things in their lives, and now they’re super old and they’ve still got each other. I think it’d be nice to end up like that.
Okay, enough blogging for one night. Today was a completely wasted day. Up super late chatting to Chris last night, mostly about sex, till 3:30am, slept till noon-ish, then did nothing today except cook, and read (l’Actualité), and nap, and blog, and visit my grandparents, and now I just drove Beth to a friend’s place. No productivity at all. Oh well, guess I haven’t had a nothing day in a while. But I bumped into P at the grocery store yesterday and said I’d be in to the lab on the weekend! I’m getting up early and going tomorrow. I have to lol.
Night!
First, the pre-law/pre-med trip on Feb. 24-25.
- - -
Instead of renting a bus or something, the group decided to go in a few cars. Somehow I ended up in a car with these two really hot straight guys. Who for some reason seemed to like me. One of them has been in the pre-law group since last year, Jason. He’s a year or two younger than me. Dresses well. Dark brown hair. Tall-ish. I could see him being rich some day. Seems to know how to have fun with the boys watching the football game, but at the same time can give a great impression in the classroom. And he’s friendly. I think he’s in arts, but he looks like a business person. Actually, I remember now, he’s in poli-sci. Shannon knows him. Calls him her hot friend lol. The other guy is a bit shorter than Jason, same age. Slightly more adorable and less intimidating than Jason. Darker hair, darker eyes, tends not to smile as much, but when he does it’s really cute. Name’s Luke. Gives off an impression he’s more macho than he is. He’s in bio, like me, but he’s in the pre-med group, not the pre-law. And he’s in the military, or the militia, or something. We were in programming together last semester, and he totally saved me in the lab. He could actually program, whereas I’m not that great. He was an awesome help. Anyway, so I end up in the same car as them. Thought it would be pretty fun. They’re both pretty nice guys, it seems. Then this other guy got shoved into the car, too; Ray. He seemed quiet. He wasn’t attractive, and he ended up being a douche, which only added to his unattractiveness.
So off we go. The car ride was about 4.5h long. The guys spent most of the time quoting from comedy routines and Family Guy and South Park and SNL and lots of other things I never watch. I totally could not participate in these convos, but I did laugh sometimes. We ended up listening to this random song about a zombie talking to his friend in a mall… actually a good tune, became like the theme song of the trip. Ray was kind of homophobic, in a weird way. Like, at one point he’d be saying how outrageous it was that the Westboro Church people (you know, they protest at everything, super anti-gay) were protesting outside Heath Ledger’s funeral, and then later on he’d make these awful gay jokes, and he always used “gay” derogatorily. Almost like at heart he might not be homophobic, but that most of the time it didn’t matter because he gave off a homophobic vibe because of the casual things he’d say. Luke, on the other hand, was very vocally pro-gay rights, surprisingly, and made a point of saying how it didn’t matter to him if someone was gay, and how he thought discrimination based on sexual orientation was stupid, etc. Like, even just if something he was saying could potentially be interpreted, indirectly, as being homophobic, he’d make a point of saying that that’s not what he meant. I REALLY appreciated this. Made me like him even more. Jason wasn’t homophobic, aside from occasionally calling something gay, like, the rain or something (at which point Luke would be like, “I didn’t know rain had a sexual orientation.” lol), though he wasn’t as vocally pro-gay as Luke. It’s funny how often topics about gay people or sexual orientation or whatever come up in a group of straight guys.
After stopping at a restaurant and a liquor store on the way up, we arrived at the hotel, and lounged around for a while. We drank a bit, went out to eat with the whole group (20-ish), came back, kept drinking, went to a bar, back to the room, and to bed by 3-something. A very fun night. But we, everyone (well, almost everyone), stayed up far too late really. The organizer of the whole trip, E, had scheduled a tour of a courthouse for 8:30am the next morning, which most of us, including myself, thought was optional. A few people ended up going, but most of us decided to sleep through it and go on the law-school tour at 10am. Apparently E was pretty upset about it. We seriously thought she’d said it was optional, but anyway, nothing we could do about it but feel bad, and apologize (which I did when we got back, via email). Anyway, the law-school tour was awesome. Two students and an associate dean talked to us for a while, and then the two students led us through the whole law building. It would be pretty nice to go there (it’s my third choice school, the one I’ve already “accepted” to), but I still think my second choice is preferable.
After that we all met up at Pizza Hut (took forever to find, and it was super windy and rainy) where we all decided to buy E a big gift ( ...not from Pizza Hut tho lol) and get her a thank you card. I’m the money collector, and I’m still trying to track one last person down now, and it’s 3 weeks later. Drive home was fine, a girl came with us, I talked to her for most of the trip back. It was nice to have someone who could carry on an actual conversation and not just endlessly quote from comedy sketches or whatever.
About three days after we got back I worked up the nerve to msg Luke and tell him how much I appreciated how open-minded and non-prejudicial he was of gay people. Naturally this meant I came out to him, too. He wrote back this awesome reply, was glad I told him, and agreed that Ray was an ass lol. I would NEVER have done this, say, last year at this point. Being out is so wonderful. But seriously, I think it's important that straight people who bother standing up for gay people get positive feedback about it. Like, I really liked that he said the things he said, and the only way he's going to know how awesome that is is if someone tells him. And I love it that I'm ok enough with myself, and open enough about my sexuality, to be able to give him that feeback.
- - -
After the trip was through, break was great (see last entry), but my thesis was beginning to catch up with me. The big biology conference was coming up (March 7-9) and it was Feb 22 and I hadn’t even finished all my data input. P, my supervisor, had gone abroad for the break, and so wasn’t around to make me feel like I had to rush. Or be productive at all. So I spent that weekend at the lab, and after contending with a midterm and other business, finished it all by Tues. Another midterm on Wed and then I had a meeting with P on Thursday. I was SUPER stressed that day- I thought that P would be terribly disappointed and possibly angry that I hadn’t gotten as much accomplished as she’d wanted (I’d told her I was almost through with the data input before she went away). But she was so positive! She can intimidate me a lot, but I really do love her. So we made a plan for all that I had to do between that day, Feb 28, and March 4th or 5th. I was putting all my project onto a poster, which is one of the ways scientists convey their findings to their peers at conferences (either posters or oral presentations). P had wanted me to do an oral at first, but the two other students presenting at the conference from our school had also wanted to do an oral, so we drew from a hat, and they won (which I’m now very happy about). Anyway, so the poster had to be given to the printer’s at least 24h before I could pick it up. I was leaving at 4am on Friday, so I had to pick up the poster by Thursday, which meant I had to have it done by Wednesday. And when we were having this conversation it was Thursday. I basically had to do all of my data analysis, write a conclusion, revise my intro, objectives, and materials and methods, and then design and put together the poster in 6 days. Plus contend with two more midterms.
Those six days were the busiest, most intense, and most productive of my entire life. I spent almost every free hour at the lab, usually staying till 1am or so. I skipped every class except labs and midterms. P stayed with me for quite a few hours for a number of the days I was there, she was a HUGE help with the stats. My stats background is pretty weak – for some reason our school doesn’t offer an upper level biology stats course. First year stats is almost useless, and plus I forget most of it. And anymore stats than first year’s isn’t mandatory, so I took other things. Anyway, I was really overtired through that period, and I didn’t end up finishing the poster till about 6pm on Wednesday, after the printer’s had closed. I had been talking to the printer guy the week before, however, and he’d said that really, while they recommend 24h before-hand, or even 48h to avoid technical difficulties, it was possibly for him to do it in one 8h shift. So early the next morning I brought in the file, and we set about trying to get it to print. The printer guy is maybe a few years older than me, like, 25 or 26, really nice, so it was a pretty good morning, even though it took over 3h to just get the file to transfer correctly to the right format. We were dealing with both PC and Mac formats for things, and just moving the file around seemed to mess it up. Anyway, the laminator guy was sick, so I couldn’t get it laminated, but P had said it wasn’t necessary if I couldn’t get it done. Beth agreed to pick it up because I had lab that afternoon. She was so good to me that week, even sat around at school waiting for me that Wed. when classes got cancelled but P and I stayed in the lab to keep working. Anyway, the poster looked fantastic, I was so happy.
I still wasn’t happy with my grasp of the stats however, so I took a bunch of books and papers with me to read before I had to present. 5 of us were going on the trip, all bio students naturally; myself, Shawn (super smart, super nice, cute, popular, all around wonderful person, thin, dark hair), Dana (enthusiastic, nice, she loves me, recent convert from psych, I work with her at school, curly brown hair, not overweight, but a few extra pounds), Taylor (reminds me of a petite version of Angelina Jolie, smart, hilarious, stylish, straight brown hair), and Nicole (gorgeous, blond, smart, stylish, got to know her last year in fish class). I’ve known all except Nicole since high school, Dana since elementary school. Nicole and Taylor are already really good friends. I know them, but I’m closer to Shawn and Dana. We left at 4:30am to drive to the nearest big airport. Dana drove. We could’ve taken a flight from the local one, but it was way cheaper to drive for almost 4h to catch our 11am flight to the conference city. The drive there was pretty fun. Dana got to know Taylor and Nicole and bit. The flight was fun, too. I sat by Nicole and Taylor. And I got the window seat.
Friday afternoon was good, too. Hotel was fine, me and Shawn in one room, the girls in another on another floor. I spent most of the afternoon with Dana and Shawn buying sticky things at Staples to put up my poster, and trying to figure out bus routes, finding food, and walking back to the hotel on my own, where I fell asleep for an hour. Woke up and reviewed stats for a while, then went to the university to register at the conference. Wandered around the campus with Taylor and Nicole (the other two were visiting friends). It was fun just exploring. Anyway, I stayed up till 2am –ish reviewing stats.
Conference really began the next morning. The building we were in was super modern, lots of glass and steal and tile, I loved it. I presented my poster at lunch time. I thought it went well, though the judges had way more questions/criticisms of my experimental design than they had about my statistical analyses. But whatever, I was just glad to have it over with. SUCH a relief. All of that work, all of that time, finally I had presented. Really, the effort was more for P than for the conference, and while presenting for the judges had been stressful, the deadline of the conference for the poster’s completion was more stressful, and the stress I felt for the judges is more representative of the stress I still am feeling for my thesis defence in April. Anyway, at that point I could then enjoy the conference and not have to worry about remembering what the parametric equivalent of a Wilcoxon Sign rank test was or whatever. The presentations were mostly interesting, although, as with past conferences, most of the molecular ones went over my head. Taylor and Nicole both presented around 3pm. Both of theirs went well. Shawn probably understood and retained more than any of us. Dana, while not understanding as much, was definitely enthusiastic and into it all – I was impressed. Last year she wasn’t much of a student. This year, however, she switched her major to bio, and she’s studying way more, and getting better grades. I’m impressed. The third and last presentation session was the worst, just because we were all pretty tired, especially me, and the presentations weren’t as interesting. We were back at the hotel by 5-ish. I’d wanted to take a nap, but that never happened, and before I knew it, we’d started drinking.
I had three beer in the hotel room with Shawn and Dana. Then we all went to the banquet at the university. And who ended up sitting next to me but the chair of the biology dept! (from my university) I was like, this is going to be a disaster – but it was actually really fun! It’s nice to interact with professors in a non-classroom, non-hierarchical environment. He was super pumped I got into law school. He and one other prof sat with us, B. They were cool. And drinking a bit, though not as much as we were. It was Nicole’s birthday, too, so we all sang to her lol. Big 22 lol. I was on my 4th through 6th drinks at the banquet, and I never thought I’d interact with faculty while that intoxicated. But it went well. Immediately after the banquet was, for some reason, a lecture. Another academic lecture. About half the people skipped it to go downtown, but we decided to take it in. And it was absolutely hilarious. Everyone was loaded. And the prof giving the talk totally knew it and totally made the whole thing really funny. I really enjoyed it. Then that other prof who came to the conference, B, he’s great, drove us downtown in his rental!
Anyway, the rest of the night consisted of many bars (maybe 5) and the walking outside required to get from bar to bar, which was in itself pretty fun, lots more drinking, a hilarious girl from Alex’s school, dancing, a rapping Englishman, a karaoke bar (I didn’t sing, but Nicole did), pizza, and finally back to the hotel where I barfed and then went to bed, where Dana and Shawn leapt on me when they got back about 2h later (I was in a surprisingly good mood and just laughed).
The next day was a slow recovery. We missed the whole morning session of the conference and made it to the lunch banquet. B let us hang out in his hotel room all afternoon (Me, Nicole, and Taylor all slept in his bed) while Dana and Shawn went on a drive with him to see things in the area (it was freezing raining and cold and I was hung over so I opted not to go). Anyway, we ate a nice supper when my appetite came back, and then got on our flight at 8pm. Dana had slept from when she, Shawn and B had gotten back to when we left for the flight, so she was ok to drive home when we landed. B was staying an extra day. I left one of my bags in his room but he brought it back on Tues. Everyone stayed awake for the drive home, it was hilarious. I was in bed by 4am. And up for class the next day! Having skipped so many the previous week I was intent on making it – and I did.
So then there was this week. Pretty low key, communications assignments/tests/speeches dominated. Easy stuff. I’m feeling scared again for my thesis, but today I basically just slept and lounged around. Nice to do nothing, but I’m totally on borrowed time.
Mom and Dad are still in Florida. They call now and then, still always laughing and happy. I’m glad they’re having a good time. Snow is still on the ground here, but it’s getting milder.
When I read this in the distant future, I’m going to wonder what was going on in the world. The US presidential election is in the news a lot, or at least, in a lot of the news I read. Hillary and Obama are still battling for the Democratic nomination, while McCain’s got the Republican nomination wrapped up. The Conservatives under Harper just passed a motion in Parliament extending the Afghanistan mission to 2011 at least. The space shuttle’s just brought the Japanese built module up to the ISS. The governor of NY, Eliot Spitzer, just resigned over a prostitution scandal, making way for the first black, and first blind man to become governor of NY, David Patterson. I think today’s the anniversary of the Iraq war. The Latimer guy from out west who killed his disabled daughter a few years back just got parole. The Russian election was a few days ago; Putin’s successor was “voted” in, of course. Pakistan had their election, too, in the wake of Benazir Bhutto’s assassination. …I think that’s an adequate snapshot of what’s going on in the world at the moment.
Rachel’s brother. I haven’t really blogged about him ever. I’ve known him almost as long as I’ve known Rachel, since, like, grade 7, but he was always an extra person, you know, younger sibling of a friend. Anyway, his girlfriend is very sketchy. It’s led to numerous iffy situations for Rachel’s family so far, and now, quite suddenly although Shannon predicted this would happen, his girlfriend is pregnant. I thought that this wouldn’t happen because it’s so easily preventable… but I guess I was wrong. I thought he was smarter than this! He’s only, like, 19 I think. Anyway, apparently she’s going to get an abortion. But she’s very mentally unstable, and if she thinks that he’s going to leave her if she gets the abortion, then she might end up keeping the baby. Which, of course, Rachel’s family is completely against. Rachel’s brother’s always kind of been the golden child, destined for great things and all that. And he is smart, if a bit full of himself, though he’s gotten better over the years and I do like him. I hope things work out for him now.
Just over at my grandparent’s place. They have me $1000! To go toward law school. I’m still in shock over it. SO nice of them. I love them so much… and really, they never give huge gifts like this. Well, I shouldn’t say never, but usually they give random gifts, like, knick-knacks that they’ve picked up in Maine at these super cheap stores or something. Hilarious, random things. I love listening to my grandfather’s stories. While he can go on for quite a while, they’re always interesting. And my grandmother’ll chime in, and they’ll bicker, and it’s always funny. They’ve done so many things in their lives, and now they’re super old and they’ve still got each other. I think it’d be nice to end up like that.
Okay, enough blogging for one night. Today was a completely wasted day. Up super late chatting to Chris last night, mostly about sex, till 3:30am, slept till noon-ish, then did nothing today except cook, and read (l’Actualité), and nap, and blog, and visit my grandparents, and now I just drove Beth to a friend’s place. No productivity at all. Oh well, guess I haven’t had a nothing day in a while. But I bumped into P at the grocery store yesterday and said I’d be in to the lab on the weekend! I’m getting up early and going tomorrow. I have to lol.
Night!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
A Date
About two weeks ago, around Feb 8th, I was offered a place at my second choice law school. I was so happy! It’s one of the more competitive schools in the country, I don’t really know how I got in there. And they sent me the letter JUST after I accepted the offer from my third choice school. But oh well, the only reason I “accepted” to my third choice was because no other school had offered me anything at that point, and in order to keep my third choice as a viable option, I had to “accept,” or, in other words, pay them the non-refundable deposit. So I haven’t really decided where I want to go yet. My first, second, and third choices are all good, reputable schools. The main difference is that my third choice is much closer to home than the other two, and is somewhat less competitive. And it would be cheaper to go there. I think I’ll still choose my second over my third choice… but I’m not committing for a while. I have until May to decide on this new offer.
School’s been busy but good. Last week was definitely the busiest week of the semester so far. Not insane busy like other weeks I’ve experienced, like, no all-nighters, but still busy. A few 3am nights. And for some crazy reason I decided that I’d message a few different guys on a few gay profiles sites. And then started chatting to the se few guys. I always choose the moments when I have the least spare time.
The first guy was a cute, 30 year-old hair dresser. I considered meeting up for coffee or something. He seemed nice. Had just gotten out of a serious long term relationship. Truthfully he didn’t really seem like my type, but I was like, ..whatever, meeting up can’t hurt. The age difference didn’t really bother me (30 – 22 = 8y). Age is just a number anyway, it’s really all about how compatible our personalities are. On Friday last week, quite randomly, Shannon goes to get her hair done at his hair salon, and somehow I come up in conversation lol. So then that evening I tell Shannon all about him (I love that this can happen and it’s not awkward). She tells me that he’s nice, cute, and that I’d probably get along with him, but that he is a huge gossip. Stereotypically? I suppose so, but that’s not a turn on anyway. As the days passed, he and I continued chatting, but he seemed to lose interest a bit, so at this point in the week I’m really thinking that I’m not going to push the meeting up thing, I’ll just leave it up to him.
The second guy (and the last one I kept around from the few I msged and started to chat with from last week) was a university student like me, also 22, but he goes to school away and was home for the break. Name’s Chris. He seemed nice. Very closeted unfortunately. But I’m always happy to help someone along, offer advice and support, especially if they’re good people. Gradually I was able to discover that he had gone to my school last year, also taken biology, and that we’d actually sat next to one another in a class! Pretty random. I’d always had a feeling that he was gay, though apparently he’d never pegged me as gay. But then he says his gaydar sucks. Anyway, we kept chatting, he seemed nice, if a bit too excited to meet up. I generally like to be kind of low-key, low-expectations on the internet prior to meeting up with someone, if only to quash potential disappointment. But we decided to meet up.
And so last night we did! He came and picked me up at 8:30pm and we drove around for a while. It’s amazing how much ground you can cover. Like, we could have covered quite a distance if we’d actually driven in a straight line instead of driving in circles all night. Personally, I don’t like to drive too much on these random hang out things, just because of all the gas you waste. But some people, like Chris, and Six, too, LOVE to just drive and drive. And of course they never let me give them gas money. At least Six lets me buy him coffee. Anyway, so we chatted about lots and lots of different things. School, people we know in common, his future plans, my future plans, what it’s like to live away, working, summers, music, religion, gay issues, coming out to family, friends, how ppl took it, and in his case, how ppl will take it. Eventually we got to guys we know in common, and it turned out he knew Six! Not only that, he also knew S, Six’s ex, and he had also had felt in the middle during their whole break up drama! I couldn’t believe someone else had been through the same experience lol. He also knew of Vince, though hadn’t met him. Hadn’t heard of Alex. We knew a bunch of other guys in common too. It was so cool. We parked and chatted eventually, at this park/track I seem to always go to when I’m talking with anyone. Chatted about a lot more stuff there. Eventually I suggested grabbing some food, because it seemed like everything was going so smoothly. He liked the idea, so off we went to McDonald’s, where I got an oriental chicken salad, the only thing I ever get at McDonald’s. We parked and chatted some more. Got into some really deep topics, like, people who had died who were close to us – he definitely could’ve made me cry if he’d kept talking down a particular path, but then thankfully he made it funny and we were able to laugh, and the laughter was all that more intense because of the intensity of the conversation. But we talked more about the future, about our families, about lots and lots of things. He was very easy to talk to. Much easier to talk to than, say, the last guy I’d hung out with in January, who I’d first met this past summer. Anyway, he ended up dropping me off at 1am – the time had FLOWN. I kind of wanted to give him a hug or something, though I could tell if I’d gone in to kiss him he would’ve been pretty receptive. But I don’t really know how I feel about him, so I opted to kind of touch his arm, and say “..I feel like I should hug you or shake your hand or something,” and so I ended up shaking his hand, but it was a very warm hand shake, not a formal one. Almost a hug, really. Goodbyes can often be awkward, so I was fine with however we ended it. So yeah, definitely a successful meet-up. I refer to is as a date when I’m talking to Shannon or Rachel or Megan lol. I’ll have to call Alex and tell him how it went.
Speaking of Alex, we got to hang out on Saturday. It’s always so nice to see him. We went to the mall, then had Chinese food. I don’t know when I’ll get to see him again in the near future. Within the next few months sometime I’m sure. He was taking a little trip to see a guy-friend he’s made on the internet, I’ll have to see how that went, too.
Saturday night was awesome, I got drunk at a friend’s party, and went out to a bar. So much fun. Shannon even came, and took her boyfriend, who has definitely grown on me. It was a great night.
Sunday I went to tour that #3 law school with the pre-law group at school. Plus the pre-med group, who naturally were touring that school’s med school. It was a great trip, though I’ll blog more about it later.
And this week I’ve done almost NO school work. I’ve been to the lab ONCE, and only for about 2 hours. So awful. Planning on going tomorrow, early. Wednesday night I went to a low-key potluck, and the host gave us all the leftovers because she knows we’re home sans parents. So nice! Good food, too.
This evening I hung out with Megan and Shannon and Rachel. We watched The Notebook. So sappy, yet so sad. Totally hooked me, dragged me in, and then when it dumped the sap all over me I was balling lol. Like, it got seriously cheesy, but I’d been sucked in, and it only made me cry harder. Good movie. It was good to see Megan, too. She’s seeing someone! A crazy girl she’s mentioned before. I’ll call her soon and we can have a good chat about it, because we didn’t have a chance to really talk this break. They were all so excited for my date lol. I love it that we can talk about it so openly! I’m still not used to being out of the closet. I love it :)
Anyway, talk soon!
School’s been busy but good. Last week was definitely the busiest week of the semester so far. Not insane busy like other weeks I’ve experienced, like, no all-nighters, but still busy. A few 3am nights. And for some crazy reason I decided that I’d message a few different guys on a few gay profiles sites. And then started chatting to the se few guys. I always choose the moments when I have the least spare time.
The first guy was a cute, 30 year-old hair dresser. I considered meeting up for coffee or something. He seemed nice. Had just gotten out of a serious long term relationship. Truthfully he didn’t really seem like my type, but I was like, ..whatever, meeting up can’t hurt. The age difference didn’t really bother me (30 – 22 = 8y). Age is just a number anyway, it’s really all about how compatible our personalities are. On Friday last week, quite randomly, Shannon goes to get her hair done at his hair salon, and somehow I come up in conversation lol. So then that evening I tell Shannon all about him (I love that this can happen and it’s not awkward). She tells me that he’s nice, cute, and that I’d probably get along with him, but that he is a huge gossip. Stereotypically? I suppose so, but that’s not a turn on anyway. As the days passed, he and I continued chatting, but he seemed to lose interest a bit, so at this point in the week I’m really thinking that I’m not going to push the meeting up thing, I’ll just leave it up to him.
The second guy (and the last one I kept around from the few I msged and started to chat with from last week) was a university student like me, also 22, but he goes to school away and was home for the break. Name’s Chris. He seemed nice. Very closeted unfortunately. But I’m always happy to help someone along, offer advice and support, especially if they’re good people. Gradually I was able to discover that he had gone to my school last year, also taken biology, and that we’d actually sat next to one another in a class! Pretty random. I’d always had a feeling that he was gay, though apparently he’d never pegged me as gay. But then he says his gaydar sucks. Anyway, we kept chatting, he seemed nice, if a bit too excited to meet up. I generally like to be kind of low-key, low-expectations on the internet prior to meeting up with someone, if only to quash potential disappointment. But we decided to meet up.
And so last night we did! He came and picked me up at 8:30pm and we drove around for a while. It’s amazing how much ground you can cover. Like, we could have covered quite a distance if we’d actually driven in a straight line instead of driving in circles all night. Personally, I don’t like to drive too much on these random hang out things, just because of all the gas you waste. But some people, like Chris, and Six, too, LOVE to just drive and drive. And of course they never let me give them gas money. At least Six lets me buy him coffee. Anyway, so we chatted about lots and lots of different things. School, people we know in common, his future plans, my future plans, what it’s like to live away, working, summers, music, religion, gay issues, coming out to family, friends, how ppl took it, and in his case, how ppl will take it. Eventually we got to guys we know in common, and it turned out he knew Six! Not only that, he also knew S, Six’s ex, and he had also had felt in the middle during their whole break up drama! I couldn’t believe someone else had been through the same experience lol. He also knew of Vince, though hadn’t met him. Hadn’t heard of Alex. We knew a bunch of other guys in common too. It was so cool. We parked and chatted eventually, at this park/track I seem to always go to when I’m talking with anyone. Chatted about a lot more stuff there. Eventually I suggested grabbing some food, because it seemed like everything was going so smoothly. He liked the idea, so off we went to McDonald’s, where I got an oriental chicken salad, the only thing I ever get at McDonald’s. We parked and chatted some more. Got into some really deep topics, like, people who had died who were close to us – he definitely could’ve made me cry if he’d kept talking down a particular path, but then thankfully he made it funny and we were able to laugh, and the laughter was all that more intense because of the intensity of the conversation. But we talked more about the future, about our families, about lots and lots of things. He was very easy to talk to. Much easier to talk to than, say, the last guy I’d hung out with in January, who I’d first met this past summer. Anyway, he ended up dropping me off at 1am – the time had FLOWN. I kind of wanted to give him a hug or something, though I could tell if I’d gone in to kiss him he would’ve been pretty receptive. But I don’t really know how I feel about him, so I opted to kind of touch his arm, and say “..I feel like I should hug you or shake your hand or something,” and so I ended up shaking his hand, but it was a very warm hand shake, not a formal one. Almost a hug, really. Goodbyes can often be awkward, so I was fine with however we ended it. So yeah, definitely a successful meet-up. I refer to is as a date when I’m talking to Shannon or Rachel or Megan lol. I’ll have to call Alex and tell him how it went.
Speaking of Alex, we got to hang out on Saturday. It’s always so nice to see him. We went to the mall, then had Chinese food. I don’t know when I’ll get to see him again in the near future. Within the next few months sometime I’m sure. He was taking a little trip to see a guy-friend he’s made on the internet, I’ll have to see how that went, too.
Saturday night was awesome, I got drunk at a friend’s party, and went out to a bar. So much fun. Shannon even came, and took her boyfriend, who has definitely grown on me. It was a great night.
Sunday I went to tour that #3 law school with the pre-law group at school. Plus the pre-med group, who naturally were touring that school’s med school. It was a great trip, though I’ll blog more about it later.
And this week I’ve done almost NO school work. I’ve been to the lab ONCE, and only for about 2 hours. So awful. Planning on going tomorrow, early. Wednesday night I went to a low-key potluck, and the host gave us all the leftovers because she knows we’re home sans parents. So nice! Good food, too.
This evening I hung out with Megan and Shannon and Rachel. We watched The Notebook. So sappy, yet so sad. Totally hooked me, dragged me in, and then when it dumped the sap all over me I was balling lol. Like, it got seriously cheesy, but I’d been sucked in, and it only made me cry harder. Good movie. It was good to see Megan, too. She’s seeing someone! A crazy girl she’s mentioned before. I’ll call her soon and we can have a good chat about it, because we didn’t have a chance to really talk this break. They were all so excited for my date lol. I love it that we can talk about it so openly! I’m still not used to being out of the closet. I love it :)
Anyway, talk soon!
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