I'm cramming for A&P, so of course this is the perfect time to blog lol.
Thesis still not done. I'm at the stage I should've been at a month ago. Writing, sending in a draft, P looks it over, sends it back to me, I re-write, send it back to her, etc till it's perfected. So far, only my results section is basically done. Methods is almost there. Intro still needs a lot of work, and the discussion needs even more. The defence itself was changed to the 23rd because P thought I deserved more time. Don't really know how it's going to get finished - I'm predicting I'll still be doing the bouncing drafts back and forth by the time the defence comes around... or else I'll completely skip studying sufficiently for my last exam on the 22nd. Invertebrate. It's my hardest. Gah!
Had a mix up with a law school - somehow I missed an important deadline with the Ontario Law School Application Service, but after an alarmed email and a phone call from me to the law school, it's all been straightened out, and I've settled and accepted to what had been my 2nd choice school, but which has really evolved into my first choice. I think I'm going to love it there. I won't feel like I'm seriously going there, though, until they reply back and say they've received my deposit, and then they grant my one year deferral so I can go to France. THEN I'll breathe my sigh of relief.
Still have a lot on my to-do list, mostly thesis stuff, but so much else too. Big plans with all my friends to celebrate when all this is through. There's a grad pub crawl I'm looking forward to. I can almost see the finish line - my thesis will be due either two or three days after my defence. Though then I've agreed to keep writing more stuff up so we can maybe get my work, plus P's, published- which would be nice, but I wouldn't really be getting anything out of it, aside from a publication in a discipline I'm now leaving lol. Oh well, should be fun (or whatever).
I've been wait-listed to do a 5-wk French Immersion program in mid-summer. Crossing my fingers for it.
I didn't shave for three weeks. It was interesting. Last week I played around with a goatee and side burns... then let it all grow in. Beth said today that it was making my face into a different shape lol. So I shaved it off tonight. I liked it most of the time, and got some compliments. I'm glad I can grow facial hair well; it gives me options- from the way the hair on my head is going, I think I'll probably be bald by the time I'm 30 if not sooner. Damn genes lol. I'm glad my self image is ok- hair is not necessary to look good lol. I always get my hair cut really short anyway. I've seen other guys in my situation shave all the hair off their heads... I'm not sure if I'd want to go that far... but I guess I'll have to see lol.
Mom's laptop died while they were in Florida, and she just got it fixed. She's quite excited. Most of her memory was retrieved successfully. I'm a bit scared that mine's going to croak one of these days - I always get that blue screen of death. I would like to get a new laptop before I go away, but then I also want a new camera, and a bunch of new clothes, and spending a year in Europe isn't cheap... so I can see something getting cut. Though maybe Mom and Dad will be extra generous somehow.. lol. I think Beth said she'll sell me her old camera, which I think would be awesome, because it's small and easy to use, and it would be cheap. She's looking for something that'll take better photos- like, artsy photos or something.
Speaking of Beth, she's still dogsitting. Tonight she'll be watching BSG with her dog, which she hilariously finds annoying, while I'm here cramming (or blogging).
...but yeah, should get back to cramming. Wish me luck!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Odd
I was at work at the library the other day, and part of my job is to take this annoyingly loud trolley piled with paper and coin boxes around to a few photocopiers on campus, to fill the paper and get the money out of them or whatever. It was during an exam period, so there was no one in the hallway, and I was just rolling my trolley along, on my way back to the library, minding my own business. I look ahead of me and suddenly I think I see a person on the floor. I get a bit closer, and I see that yes, there is, in fact, a person lying on their stomach on the floor at the end of the hallway. For some reason I kind of look around, but there's no one around. I'm thinking this is weird. Is this person dead? Anyway, so i get closer, and I see it's a girl, and i get a bit closer again, and I start to think I recognize this girl. She's another library worker, but we're never on the same shift and I've only met her once. She's got her arm kind of out in front of her with her head on it, the other arm's bent. Her bag's behind her. I was like, this is so weird lol. Anyway, so the elevator entrance is maybe 20 feet from her. I'm like, I should do something. She hears my trolley, so she opens her eyes, and, for some reason, I wave at her! lol. Just a little wave. Don't ask me why. And she lifts her arm and slowly waves back. Looks like she was sleeping or something. But she doesn't say, help me! or I'm dying! or something, so I just smile back at her. And then i get in the elevator and leave! I probably should've been like, are you ok? But I didn't want her to think I thought she was weird, by lying on the floor... so I suppose a wave is rather less judgmental? Even though it definitely is weird, ..and unsanitary.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Memories
Oh my, April 7th already. Thesis still not done, though it's going to have to be within the next two weeks. Defence on the 18th. Exams on the 14th, 19th, and 22nd. And then I'm FREE. Today was the last day of classes. Last day of classes of my degree. Hard to believe! No, the time hasn't flown, though the last four years have been awesome, but you don't expect the last day of classes to be here. It's always just been something out there in the future somewhere. Just like everything else in the future lol.
Mom and Dad have returned from Florida. Beth's gone dogsitting, though I see her every day. I went up to her "new house" on Friday night and stayed over. We watched the second Elizabeth movie, The Golden Age (good, but we were both a bit lost through most of it), and then watched the season premier of Battlestar Galactica. We LOVE this show. Though we've been quite spoiled with a lack of commercial breaks, since up till now I'd downloaded the whole series through BitTorrent, sans ads.
Alex is coming down for a couple of days this week, he wants to go out to eat with me and Six and Vince. I think it'll be nice to get together, and even to see Six, since he can be so antisocial.
Chatting to a number of new guys online lately. One seems particularly promising, though he goes to school a 5-ish hour drive away (Megan's school). Beth and I might go visit Megan and others later this month, so I might actually get to meet this guy. We'll see.
Sad story. A guy at my school just died the other day. A rare form of cancer. HUGE tragedy, he was loved by everyone he knew, at the top of his class mark-wise, friendly, outgoing, energetic, attractive even. He was also gay. And that's how I made a connection with him. One year ago next week. He had a profile on a site, I added him as a "Favourite" or something, he msged me, we moved to msn, and then chatted. He was super nice, confident, but I was still pretty in the closet at that point, and I wasn't willing to meet up any time soon. Maybe after a few weeks of chatting, I’d thought. To my insular view, he seemed to want to move too fast. It would've been the first time I'd met up with anyone from my school. Anyway, we chatted for a while, but then drifted apart after a few attempts to meet up didn't work out for a variety of reasons. Sometime afterwards he dated Six for a few months, but after they broke up I didn’t really hear much about him over the past year. A few overheard things about how he was doing, health-wise, these past few months. He was a great guy, from what I knew from chatting to him, and what everyone’s been saying about him since he died.
Alex had been the one to call and tell me about his death. Chris and I have talked about it a bit; Chris had fooled around with him way back when. I’ve tried to talk to Six about it, but he can be so non-communicative, I haven’t really gotten him to open up about it. He’d always felt some lingering guilt about breaking up with him, mainly because he’d had this terminal illness. It was the best thing to do, to break up, because the relationship was obviously not meant to be, personalities-wise, but still, Six never really felt good about it.
Everyone that knew him was pretty sad on Friday, and again today. In one of my classes, the prof made this little speech like thing about him, saying where he sat (right where I sit apparently), just saying how much he contributed to the class, through his questions, and his presence, and how terrible it is to lose one of “our family,” which I thought was touching. He asked if we’d take a moment to reflect, and remember him. Then (this prof is kind of old fashioned and only uses an overhead projector; no computer aids) he put a transparency on the projector, and, as silence descended, turned out the lights in the classroom. The transparency had the guy's name typed on it, with the degree he’d just earned after his name, and then the dates, 1985-2008. And that’s it. Just those words in black on a white background in silence. So we sat. The night before I’d gone back to my msn and re-read all the conversations we’d had. We’d talked about some pretty heavy stuff. His coming out to his parents, how it hadn’t been that great. His supportive friends. The few relationships he’d had with guys over the years, the good and the bad. At that point he’d hoped we'd get to hang out over the summer, maybe go scuba diving. He said he’d teach me. He was so sweet. He told me about the cancer. How he didn’t like telling people because he didn’t want them to treat him any differently. He had dreams for the future. Big dreams. He wanted to become a doctor some day. He just had such a great attitude. Something he said stuck with me for some reason:
“You only have one chance in life, and if you do your best to improve the lives of others then your time has meant something.”
And as I sat there in the dark, looking up at that transparency, I thought of what he’d said and I started to cry. It’s weird how you can get to know someone online. I’ve never held his gaze, never heard his voice, never shaken his hand. I’ve only ever read things that he typed to me. And only for a few weeks, at that. I let emotions sweep me away sometimes, I guess.
Then the prof flicked the lights back on and started class. I wasn’t the only one with tears in my eyes, that’s for sure.
Anyway, this was a depressing entry lol. Wanted to write about it.
Later.
Mom and Dad have returned from Florida. Beth's gone dogsitting, though I see her every day. I went up to her "new house" on Friday night and stayed over. We watched the second Elizabeth movie, The Golden Age (good, but we were both a bit lost through most of it), and then watched the season premier of Battlestar Galactica. We LOVE this show. Though we've been quite spoiled with a lack of commercial breaks, since up till now I'd downloaded the whole series through BitTorrent, sans ads.
Alex is coming down for a couple of days this week, he wants to go out to eat with me and Six and Vince. I think it'll be nice to get together, and even to see Six, since he can be so antisocial.
Chatting to a number of new guys online lately. One seems particularly promising, though he goes to school a 5-ish hour drive away (Megan's school). Beth and I might go visit Megan and others later this month, so I might actually get to meet this guy. We'll see.
Sad story. A guy at my school just died the other day. A rare form of cancer. HUGE tragedy, he was loved by everyone he knew, at the top of his class mark-wise, friendly, outgoing, energetic, attractive even. He was also gay. And that's how I made a connection with him. One year ago next week. He had a profile on a site, I added him as a "Favourite" or something, he msged me, we moved to msn, and then chatted. He was super nice, confident, but I was still pretty in the closet at that point, and I wasn't willing to meet up any time soon. Maybe after a few weeks of chatting, I’d thought. To my insular view, he seemed to want to move too fast. It would've been the first time I'd met up with anyone from my school. Anyway, we chatted for a while, but then drifted apart after a few attempts to meet up didn't work out for a variety of reasons. Sometime afterwards he dated Six for a few months, but after they broke up I didn’t really hear much about him over the past year. A few overheard things about how he was doing, health-wise, these past few months. He was a great guy, from what I knew from chatting to him, and what everyone’s been saying about him since he died.
Alex had been the one to call and tell me about his death. Chris and I have talked about it a bit; Chris had fooled around with him way back when. I’ve tried to talk to Six about it, but he can be so non-communicative, I haven’t really gotten him to open up about it. He’d always felt some lingering guilt about breaking up with him, mainly because he’d had this terminal illness. It was the best thing to do, to break up, because the relationship was obviously not meant to be, personalities-wise, but still, Six never really felt good about it.
Everyone that knew him was pretty sad on Friday, and again today. In one of my classes, the prof made this little speech like thing about him, saying where he sat (right where I sit apparently), just saying how much he contributed to the class, through his questions, and his presence, and how terrible it is to lose one of “our family,” which I thought was touching. He asked if we’d take a moment to reflect, and remember him. Then (this prof is kind of old fashioned and only uses an overhead projector; no computer aids) he put a transparency on the projector, and, as silence descended, turned out the lights in the classroom. The transparency had the guy's name typed on it, with the degree he’d just earned after his name, and then the dates, 1985-2008. And that’s it. Just those words in black on a white background in silence. So we sat. The night before I’d gone back to my msn and re-read all the conversations we’d had. We’d talked about some pretty heavy stuff. His coming out to his parents, how it hadn’t been that great. His supportive friends. The few relationships he’d had with guys over the years, the good and the bad. At that point he’d hoped we'd get to hang out over the summer, maybe go scuba diving. He said he’d teach me. He was so sweet. He told me about the cancer. How he didn’t like telling people because he didn’t want them to treat him any differently. He had dreams for the future. Big dreams. He wanted to become a doctor some day. He just had such a great attitude. Something he said stuck with me for some reason:
“You only have one chance in life, and if you do your best to improve the lives of others then your time has meant something.”
And as I sat there in the dark, looking up at that transparency, I thought of what he’d said and I started to cry. It’s weird how you can get to know someone online. I’ve never held his gaze, never heard his voice, never shaken his hand. I’ve only ever read things that he typed to me. And only for a few weeks, at that. I let emotions sweep me away sometimes, I guess.
Then the prof flicked the lights back on and started class. I wasn’t the only one with tears in my eyes, that’s for sure.
Anyway, this was a depressing entry lol. Wanted to write about it.
Later.
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