Aftermath

So, the deed is done! I ended it on November third. G took it horribly and we spent a frustrating stressful week trying to come to some sort of understanding. I expected it to go poorly, but not that poorly. If I hadn’t acted quickly and alerted his two best friends, he would’ve been IN Strasbourg by the next day. One took his passport. I eventually convinced him, with a friend’s help, to unbook the flight. He was begging me to reconsider the break-up, to try to work on this, to not give up on us, etc etc. I knew I was making the right decision. He cried so much. Eventually I realized Skype videos were counterproductive. He ended up taking the end of the week off, going home, talking to his family, getting taken to the hospital because he couldn’t eat, and then going to a psychologist. By the end of the week, after he’d continued to write on my wall, put how “i’d always have a piece of his heart” in his status, put something similar on msn, and sent me numerous emails, fb msgs, and texts on my cell, I stopped responding to even the few I’d been responding to. My tone had gone from apologetic, to semi-sympathetic, to tolerant, to curt, to frustrated, to angry. I told him that this wasn’t helping anything.

The week had been extremely difficult on me. Of course it was more difficult on him, but I just don’t experience lows like that, I never have. So what I was experiencing was a low, for me. I never want to have to go through that, it was awful. He eventually sent me an email saying how he was sorry, how he would try to get over me, how he hoped we could be friends, etc. I cried so much over this email! I think then, for me, it was really the end. He’d finally accepted it. It was what I wanted, but it was still hard. I loved this guy. And now we were over. I cried in the caf with a friend that day, M. I don’t cry in public like that, unless I’m at a movie or something. I msged Shannon later, because she’s cried in the cafeteria at home over stressful situations, and we had a little laugh over it.

After a week of not communicating, I msged with a tiny, how are you doing, msg. He replied first with an angry message, then an apologetic one, then many more professing his true undying love for me, then depressed ones, and more pleading ones. Then he just completely regressed and kept begging me to take him back, but I was moving on, and plus, when he was lucid we’d agreed that space was better for us right now, so we said we wouldn’t communicate with each other. I was sticking to it. It was still a hard time, but I was not hesitating in my decision to end our relationship. Just how he had reacted to the break up was reinforcing for me that it was the right decision. Eventually, maybe three weeks ago, after I hadn’t replied to a number of messages, I sent him one that said that until he got it in his head that there was no chance of us getting back together, then we shouldn’t talk, because it would be counterproductive.

And then I just didn’t reply to anything else. Two weeks ago, he got drunk on a Friday night and wrote “asshole” on my wall. I was shocked, and put up crazy privacy settings towards him so he can’t see anything i’m tagged in, plus none of my pics or vids. He can’t see my status, and he can’t see or write on my wall. He wrote me an i’m sorry i was drunk msg, but whatever, i still wasn’t interacting with him.

There’s this thing on fb profiles, it’s just a little text box underneath your profile pic, where you can write anything and everything, usually something small. I’d never used it, but this week when I got the WORST cold of my entire life, definitely a flu or something (i lost my voice for three days! I missed a week of school!) I commented on my illness in this box. I didn’t know, but it was one of the few things that G could still see on my profile. So, a couple of days ago, he wrote me this tiny msg saying, hope you’re feeling better. So i waited a day, and wrote back, thanks, me2. And so we’re going from there. A tiny thread of conversation.

I really want to get to the point where we can be friends, because he’s an awesome awesome guy! And I know friendship could work. He’ll have to work on it a lot, because he can’t seem to let go of me, but it would be nice if we could be friends. We’ll see.

I went out for 4 days in a row prior to getting sick, and the Christmas market which just started and which is incredible, tempted me to stay out in the cold (without a winter jacket) for far too long. And vin chaud doesn’t warm you up quite enough to compensate lol. I love this city! My one and only exam is on Tuesday, so better get studying.

ciao :)